All signed up? Good!

Now today, I’d like to discuss building your tenacity through struggle versus resolving yourself to martyrdom ;) Ready?

When I competed in my first figure competition at 24, it was tough.

The 16 weeks of prep were tough. The weeks of cooking and portioning food were tough. Skipping events and dinners out were tough. Watching other people eat whatever they wanted was tough. The hours of cardio were tough. The 5-6 days of weight training were tough.

But at the end of it all, I stood up on stage having endured one of the hardest 4 months of my adult life, in incredible shape, in front of my friends and family and won my show.

The feeling was amazing. That kind of reward made the whole novel process worth it to me.

Well, you know what happened next … I gained back the 15-20 lbs I’d lost within 2 weeks after the show, cried my eyes out, felt like a fat failure and then a month later, started training for my next show.

Show after show, year after year, I used “dieting down” for competitions and photo shoots as a kind of weight management strategy where eating whatever I wanted in my “off season” was fine because I knew I’d always have another show on the horizon, so I figured I’d just get the weight off then. NBD.

Except that 4 years later, I was miserable.

Exercise that I once loved now felt like a full-time job. Meals that I once didn’t mind now disgusted me. And the old thrill of prep (and watching my body transform in front of my eyes) dulled until it instead became anxiety-producing: Am I where I should be? Will I be lean enough in time? Who else is competing? Will I embarrass myself? What if I don’t win top 5, I’ll be humiliated! Where can I cut some more carbs from? Maybe I should add an extra 30 minutes of cardio? OMG WILL I BE READY???

In other words, what started out as something I was excited and tenaciously dedicated to eventually became a crutch—something I needed to do or else (in my mind) I’d be resolving myself to an overweight, out-of-control, shameful existence.

I exercised because I was terrified not to.

I started my “competition diet” over again every Monday because I was terrified not to.

I signed up for show after show and scheduled shoot after shoot because it was the only way I ever felt in control—of my body, and my extension, my life. If I wasn’t lean, I wasn’t good.

See, this is the difference between doing something that is tough and doing something that is miserable.

In the former, you’re building virtues like resiliency, confidence and self-trust. In the latter, you’re honing your martyrdom and reinforcing that you’re a slave to your control mechanisms.

When I accomplish something big or work toward a goal that requires persistence, I am learning to trust myself, and trust the process. Like, building an online business or doubling-down on my relationships or pursuing personal development. I engage and have to figure out the tough things as they come up. But in the end, I am stronger, happier and more competent.

But when I am only doing things for fear of what not doing them will mean, then I don’t trust myself at all. I’m hanging on to the feeling of control (“If I just do this and keep doing it, then I can control this person/situation/outcome, AND THEN I’ll be safe.”), which I can never fully get.

Which is why doing things that make us miserable feeds anxiety. And doing things that we love—even when they are challenging and require some struggle—nourish us and produce a sense of peace, even in the face of those obstacles.

I don’t know about you but I’d rather be engaged in something I love and that means something bigger to me, regardless of discomfort and pain, then continue doing what I’ve always done so that I can continue to feel a scrap of control.

One way perpetuates fear, and the other forces us to move into spaces of courage and self-trust.

I said this to my #SuccessSessions ladies the other day—you don’t give up when something is tough, you give up when something you’re doing is making you miserable. Or when you are doing it for the wrong reasons, like trying to avoid the scary, uncomfortable outcomes if you don’t do it, or just to keep there peace.

For me, dieting for shows and shoots was a crutch (i.e. control mechanism). I used it because of what not dieting would mean, which was having to put in the hard work of figuring out a forever-eating solution and being a little uncomfortable for a while (“Moderation? Are you crazy? That would make me blow up!” Lol). I was terrified to try a moderate approach because I didn’t trust myself to be able to handle the outcomes, whatever those might be.

We are doing it to ourselves (#toughlovealert!).

And while the alternative--the feeling of not being in control--might seem like the scariest thing on earth in the moment, the potential outcome (self-trust and freedom) is worth all that.

Since my own experience with chronic yo-yo dieting, I have slowly learned the power of trusting myself and trusting the process. And amazingly, THAT is the ultimate in control, is it not?!

I swear the discomfort is worth it ;)

Okay, quick recap: over the next 4 weeks, I am holding a FREE series of live trainings. Join for free here.

They will meet weekly on Tuesdays at 8pm EST/5pm PST and I will be teaching everything from how to overcome your self-doubts and learning how to own your self-worth, to teaching people how to treat you and start creating a life you love that feeds your soul, in the areas of mindset, body and business.

Yes, I will be recording the webinars and sending them out after, but in order to get sent the recordings, you still need to register here!

You don't have to be able to make all of them, just any of the 4 (they're all stand-alone trainings). I’d love to get to chat in real time and tease out some of your biggest obstacles and mental blocks. Going to be a great 4 weeks!

Let me know if you have any questions!

Xo,

Jill