Lately, I have been thinking about the concept of “getting real” with ourselves.

This is a tricky concept because for many women, it can be taken to the extreme. When we get real, we can so easily fall into self-loathing and body-disgust. We look in the mirror to get real and as a result, decide we hate what we see, we’re disgusted, shamed, sad, get pissed off. All of which only serves to demotivates us further.

And yet, is the answer to avoid mirrors forever? I don’t think it is.

See, I remember times in my past when I avoided mirrors too. Usually it was in my “off season” from competing in figure competitions, and even though I was a normal size 8 during those times, I felt ugly and fat compared to “show-shape”–which, mind you I was in for a week or two.

But I was still haunted by the need and utter obsession with being in that kind of shape year-round, as unattainable (and unhealthy!) as it would have been.

During those years, I would typically get up to work out around 5am and because I didn’t want to wake Jade by turning on the lights, I would change into my gym clothes in the bathroom. AND I WOULD TURN AROUND. To avoid my own reflection.

Ever done this?

How about avoiding being in pictures? Not looking when the nurse weighs you at your annual check-up? Not wanting to get your body fat percentage taken when the service is offered at your local gym?

At different times in my life I have done all of those things. Often avoidance seemed easier. I couldn’t be disappointed if I wasn’t given the information, or saw the image, the photo, the reflection, the number, right?

And yet I was miserable anyway, despite the avoidance. Because I actually wasn’t getting better, the avoidance wasn’t actually helping me to stay motivated to get more fit.

I was losing a battle with myself as a result of my own twisted notion of what “should” be: I should be thinner. I should be leaner. I should have more muscle. I should look like so-and-so. I should be in my leanest ever shape 24/7—besides, I’d seen what I was capable of, why wasn;t I living up to my potential?

I was in essence, shoulding all over myself ;)

So the avoidance didn’t actually help, like I pretended it did.

So in the last few months, I have been thinking about how to effectively toe the line between getting real and also not spiraling into self-disgust. For my clients, for myself, for you guys.

Can this be done?

I think it can. 

I have seen and heard from hundreds of women who have undergone a crazy physical transformation–a competition, crash diet, Weight Watchers, a Diet Bet, a 30-day Challenge, whatever–and in the end, because they have not spent time developing their self-worth apart from their physique–if they gain a little weight back or blow up after a show, they don’t have the emotional tools to deal with the inevitable feelings of inadequacy and self-disgust.

And yet we want the body first, don’t we?

In fact, we usually say, “As soon as I have the body I want, THEN I can be happy/deserving/attractive/successful/worthy.”

I want to make the argument that the opposite is true.

When I decide I am worthy right now wherever I am, then I free up all my mental space to be able to do the things I need to do to get and stay motivated.

The mental aerobics that comes with shoulding ourselves discourages us from taking action toward real, lasting progress.

When we get caught up in how much we suck, how could we ever be motivated for long-term change?

To-do’s like prepping your food, hiring a trainer, making healthy recipes, getting the Tupperwares together—all great tools—but those things don’t define your success: you do. Right now. In your mind. And that success does not depend on a number or an image or a photo or a bad angle.

When we spend time developing our sense of self-worth outside our physique, not only are we happier right now, but we are free to move forward in a positive way. It’s the negative self-talk that steals our motivation.

And for those who say they need the negative motivation to drive them to take action, that may work for a while, but take it from me that that shit gets old real quick.

So free yourself.

Free your energy and your mental space of the negative, so that you can actually garner the willpower necessary to make real, lasting change.

Remember, mindset first, physique next. When you do this, looking in the mirror is no longer painful nor does it control your day or how you feel about yourself. You can be more objective, clinical. You can get real without getting upset. You don’t have to be thin to be worthy. And you don’t have to lose 10 more pounds to be happy.

The concepts are no longer linked once you spend time working on your mind.

Over the years, I was able to slowly move from feeling as if my physique was the only thing I had to offer the world, to finding ways to create meaning for myself elsewhere.

Some of my favorite ways include:

Develop others skills and interests, like a new language or a musical instrument. Take up blogging or start a small business of your own. Write, read, spend time with family and friends, volunteer, go back to school or even just take a class in something you’re interested in–like cooking or wine. Focus on being an amazing mom, daughter, sister or partner. Go hiking, focus on non-physique related activities like triathlons, a 5k or an adventure race.

There are infinite ways to feel like you are contributing and are worthy that have zero to do with your body fat percentage and everything to do with your incredible, powerful, unique mind.

Be brave enough to own that.

Ladies, a quick reminder that if you are interested in the mindset transformation stuff, the 10-Week Mindset Makeover course is going into retirement after tomorrow—I won’t be launching it again.

You can register for the program here.

The education contains 70-emails delivered daily, taking you on a journey through 5 modules:

The program is best for women who are sick and tired of feeling like everything hinges on their body, and want to learn to love themselves, appreciate themselves and feel worthy and powerful regardless of a number. Enroll here if that’s you.

Let me know if you have any questions, and know I am loving you and always in your corner with this stuff. Our journey continues … :)

Xo,

Jill