Hi , In late December 2014, I wrote a series of posts about “anti-perfectionism”—my personal rebellion slash rant on perfectionism and a call to all women to own their authentic power, show up as-is, let the chips fall for whatever that looks like, and basically just be a badass. You can read the posts below: 2015: The Year of the Anti-Perfectionist8 Ways to Be an Anti-Perfectionist in 2015Perfectionism is a illusion. It's an absurd construct that exists solely so
that we get to keep feeling not-good-enough. And it's got to go. And yet so many of us grew up with "being perfect" as the goal, without even knowing it. We just got to adulthood and found ourselves deep in the practices of self-judgment, remorse, guilt, shame and fear of our true selves being found out. The mask was up, in place, and things like Facebook and filtered photos allowed for us to craft our appearance to, uh, perfection. This stuff only perpetuates the
need to keep up the façade. And so, #AntiPerfectionism (hashtag ;)) is a way to not only be okay with not being perfect but actually embrace non-perfection as the goal. Use it to come fully into yourself, own your unique way of being in the world, claim our unique contributions and gifts, and then be an example to others of showing up raw, confident and in self-trust. And so, 2015 is almost over. I am proud to say, I lived the year to the
utmost anti-perfectionist. It’s been great. A few highlights: - Getting to the airport 3 hours before a flight, sitting at the gate for 2+ hours, only to try to eventually board the wrong plane, and be told that the plane I was actually supposed to be on just left. Whoops.
- One day on the #tetatrek, stopped with about 3 miles left to hike, downed 5 glasses of wine over 90 minutes at a local bar, and drunk-hiked to the hotel with a 25-lb bag on my back,
laughing hysterically the entire way.
- Eating an entire pizza with my brother on Bondi Beach after a long afternoon and evening of tomfoolery. “Oh, you don’t have pepperoni? Oh, but you do have salami? Yeah, that’ll do!” #ModerationNotSoMuch
- Went to Costa Rica for 5 days, only to literally sleep 12 hours a day and lay around for the other 12. Hiking? Nah. Sightseeing? No, thanks. Check out this insane volcano? I’m good. Sometimes you have the best intentions to
play all-out on your vacations (#VacationFOMO), but then you realize you have to honor your mind and body. Zzzzzzzzzz.
- The fact that I turned my stovetop on a total of 5 times in the entire year. Oops.
- And of course, sending numerous text messages to the wrong recipient--c'mon, that shit happens to you, too! Haha.
That’s only a few of the literally hundreds of missteps, mess-ups, struggles, challenges, victim-moments and oh-shit’s of
2015--some much bigger and some smaller.
But here’s the thing: for every single non-perfect moment, I am grateful.
I can honestly say I have learned more about myself in 2015 than in any other year. It’s been the most transformative and educational year of my life, and I am better off for the numerous hard lessons. And get this? I still don’t know what I am doing! None of us really do, and you know what? That’s fine. It’s
actually … perfect. Because we are allowed to not know. We are allowed to be messy. Things are allowed to not go perfectly to plan. We’re entitled to some struggle-city moments. In fact, we need them. Our challenges make us stronger. They serve us. And what do you know, they actually make us more likeable and trustworthy, too! For those of you still worried about people seeing "the real you," I want to share something really cool with
you. In psychology research, there is something called the Pratfall Effect. The Pratfall Effect says that people are more likeable or seen as more attractive after they have been seen committing a blunder. The caveat is that the person needs to be perceived as competent also (which you are)—so when a competent person, say, spills coffee on their new sweater and others witness it, the person who committed the blunder becomes more endearing to those
watching. There have been numerous studies to show this phenomenon, dating back to the 1960s. So what does this mean? It means that a combination of competency plus humanity is the ultimate recipe for likeability and relatedness. It actually behooves you to let people see you sweat. I have said this for years at
JillFit:
Perfect is boring.
Reading about people eating perfectly out of Tupperwares for every meal and never having any trouble is not only uninspiring, but also distrustful. I don’t believe it’s real. I call bullshit.
So while it can be scary, there is utility in letting people see you sweat. Mostly for you, because you can breathe a sign of relief that you don’t have to wear the mask 24/7, but also because
those who are relatable, empathetic, open, self-deprecating, honest and authentic are simply more attractive. We want to hang out with them, we want to trust them, we want to get to know them.
Being the expert every second is old school. It’s tired. And it’s not as inspiring as being real. Real trumps perfect every time.
And authenticity turns who we are into enough if we are just brave enough to show ourselves.
2016 is almost here,
and I have some big treats coming up for you soon. I can’t wait to reveal the free training I’ll be running in January, so stay tuned for all the enrollment info soon!
In the meantime, send me ONE single awesomely non-perfect thing that happened in 2015. I want the embarrassing, painful, weird, silly and uncomfortable moments. Gimme. Like Brené says, shame can't survive being spoken. I promise I won't tell Facebook ;)
YET.
Xo,
Jill
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