Today I want to talk about cake.
But first, just a quick reminder that the
4-Week Food Obsession Boot Camp course closes tonight at midnight PST. If you have been waiting all week to enroll, now is the time! Join over 200 women who
have already enrolled in the 2016 class, it’s going to be an incredibly transformative education. Grab your spot
HERE.
Next, I want to share a story with you.
Last Tuesday on the final #AntiFragile2016 live training, one gal asked this question:
“Is there ever a time when you can just eat a
whole dessert yourself???”
I loved this question!
It speaks to so much of the psychology of how we interact with food, and even our proclivity to want permission. That’s what I think the allure of having a coach bestow on you a “cheat day” is. Being granted that permission by someone else kind of takes the responsibility off you. You’re able to say, “Well, my coach said I could!” And any potentially bad outcomes are now your coach’s
fault.
This is a bit of a trap, even if it’s completely normal.
One thing that’s a sensitivity of many when we talk about food obsession or some of the struggles we experience with our eating is that … WHY CAN’T I JUST EAT WHAT I WANT??? What’s the big deal? Why does this have to be so hard??
I feel you on that.
In fact, as an example, a friend of mine who is also a blogger asked me to contribute
my “Thanksgiving strategy” to a compilation post she was putting together. I gave my usual preemptive cheats and #moderation365 spiel—tasting anything you want, staying mindful and achieving satisfaction, but not necessarily feeling stuffed.
It was interested to me, the response to that blog.
The readers were not JillFit readers (they were her fans), and to hear my approach, without context, I think seemed a little … extreme. Or even what some
said was “orthorexic”—defined as an obsession with eating only healthy food. A few commenters said, “This is bullshit, it’s a freaking holiday! What’s the big deal! Just eat whatever you want!”
I get that. But here’s the thing:
I think most don’t understand that when you practice #moderation365, you already eat everything that you want, in the quantities that you want it!
So the idea that you need to
stuff yourself to feel good is redundant. You already do feel good.
I know this sounds strange, and even somewhat impossible (it sure did to me when I began my journey!), so stay with me:
Using the tools that are outlined and explained in the
4-Week Food Obsession Boot Camp is not about just adding more rules to the
arsenal of all the other shit we need to remember. It’s actually the opposite of rules. It’s
questioning “the rules” and putting YOU first. Examining yourself and what strategies might work for you. It’s being mindful (which is the opposite of obsession) and learning that every little bit counts.
So to me, this comes down to ownership.
When we put our results in the hands of a coach, we are deferring ownership. When we live and die by a
meal plan, we are deferring responsibility. When we feel like being in charge of our own process is too difficult, we start choosing fast fixes over doing the actual work to figure out our own stuff.
Choosing how you eat is the ultimate in ownership.
So, should you just eat a whole dessert yourself?
Sure, why not.
You’re a grown-ass woman with free will, you can do whatever you
want.
BUT. If you’re asking my opinion, I’d consider a few things (and this is the response I gave on the training call):
1) Are you making the choice mindfully?
As in, are you fully owning it? Are you consciously thinking, “I love this cake so much, it’s delicious, I am going to eat the entire thing and love every second of it. Zero guilt.” Or are you doing it mindlessly just because you’ve gone into
brain shut-down mode and it’s in front of you, and well you can’t help yourself. Part of ownership is also owning how you feel afterwards too---physically and emotionally. Which brings me to …
2) Watch yourself later or the next day, and how you react.
Do you wake up the next morning feeling guilty, remorseful, disgusted with yourself and feeling like you need to make up for it through cutting back on food today or doing extra
exercise? In other words, are you experiencing the need to deprive yourself now as a result of a perceived overindulge last night? If so, then, in my mind, you are fortifying an all-or-nothing approach.
3) And finally, if your goal is to stress less and automate your eating, then you have to learn to take the edge off your cravings earlier.
When you work to eat moderately and feel satisfied at every meal, chances are you are not
going to even feel the compulsion or desire to eat an entire dessert yourself. Ask, where can I get more preemptive? Where can I start taking the edge off earlier? How can I feel more satisfied during the week so that when Saturday night rolls around, I’m just good?
So of course you can eat an entire dessert. You can do anything you damn well please. Anytime.
But if want to start navigating the middle and quit the all-or-nothing approach, you
have to begin getting strategic. ASK THESE QUESTIONS. They are a practice in mindfulness.
Consider everything. Stay mindful. Engage! And then make the best choice for you.
I don’t know what the best choice for you will be. Only you know that.
But what I do know is that taking offense to a comment on a blog that suggests you try moderation is a reflection of just how not ready you are to try something different.
And that’s fine. I have no attachment to people doing things this way, or my way.
What I am attached to is getting the message out for those who are ready and open to ditching the all-or-nothing. Those who are desperate for another way, a forever solution.
Because I get emails EVERY SINGLE DAY from women outlining the same struggles. Like this, just literally minutes before I wrote this email:
