I just decided!

Published: Sun, 01/31/16

Last week, I was hunkered down in an incredible 2-day business conference with 100 fellow entrepreneurs. One of the women there is a super successful life coach (I’m talking, has worked with Oprah!) and we happened to get into conversation at one point.

She immediately starts coaching me: “Jill, tell me what you want! If you could have anything, what would it be?”

Amazing, right?

I don’t get asked that all that much, usually I’m the one coaching. So it feels super self-indulgent, but also totally awesome that someone is genuinely curious. But at the same time, I’m kind of feeling bad because while I am loving it, I’m also aware that we are at a conference and I don’t want her to feel like she’s “on the clock” and needs to be working. So I cut her off, and say, “That is so sweet! But I don’t want you to feel like you have to be working right now.”

She says, “Jill, I am always like this, I love this stuff!”

It was a light bulb moment for me because:

a) I’m just like that too – defaulting into talking about what I love and what I do (ahem, actually who I am) even when other people might find it overwhelming or too intense.

b) Her entire coaching style is about taking action, and holy crap, there are some areas in my life where I have been playing The Waiting Game.

It’s funny, because as I am realizing this, I do a quick historical audit. And I see that I have never been someone who waits around for “things to fall into place” or “the right time” or other people to change or make decisions—has never been me. So what am I doing, waiting around for shit that is not in my control?

I COULD BE WAITING FOREVER!

And so as this coach is telling me, “Just make a choice! Just decide!” I’m going … can I just decide? Is it literally that easy?

I think it is.

It reminded me of my brother Dan’s favorite Will Smith bit, “Just decide how it’s gonna be. Just decide.” Click on the photo to watch the 30-sec clip:

Your life is a series of decisions. And usually the first one is the toughest. Because that first choice is the one that sends you down a specific path. Kind of like that movie, ‘Sliding Doors’ with Gwyneth Paltrow: you choose the first step, and then the second step appears. You’d never have seen the next step if you didn’t have the courage to take the first.

We all have choice points in our lives. Many of them. Some are bigger than others. But they all carry an innate quality: the opportunity to actively choose your life, OR the opportunity to passively let life happen to you.

When we allow other people to decide for us, it’s passive. When we wait for other people to change, it’s passive. When we “wait and see,” it’s passive. When we react to other people, versus deciding something straight from the heart, no considerations, it’s passive.

Living a life where you are just reacting and responding to other people (the ones who are actually choosing their lives while you sit and watch) versus deciding WHAT DO I WANT is, in my opinion, a waste of your time here.

And so, thank you Christina, for inspiring me to take action instead of waiting around for … I don’t even know what! At least when I am making decisions, I am learning, growing and getting the lessons. When I am waiting, I am living in fear of FOMO and “what if’s.”

Anxiety over making “the wrong decision” is just a story we tell ourselves to continue to play small and stay scared.

Because the truth is, there aren’t any wrong decisions, really. Isn’t regret a choice? Isn’t living in the past a choice? Isn’t hanging on to old hurts a choice? Isn’t holding grudges a choice? Isn’t feeling as though you missed out a choice?

And don't we always have the ability to deal with any fallout? Don't we have enough self-trust and confidence to know that we can handle stuff? I think we do!

You get to create your life in every second. And with every choice point, large and small.

True, on some level that feels terrifying. And on a whole other, elevated, big-picture level, it’s absolutely awesome and liberating.

So today, I want you to look at your own life. Where are you waiting? Where are you reacting and responding versus setting the tone out of your genuine wants and desires?

What is one thing you are dragging your feet on? Where is one place you are waffling? What is one decision you just can’t seem to make? What are you scared of?

Write it all down. And then outline the choices. And I am challenging you to make one by the end of this week.

Taking bold action can be scary, but once you do, you are off and running, which is kind of liberating. Remember, the first choice is always the toughest—then it’s just a series of smaller choices from there!

Xo,

Jill

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