Growing up is confusing.

There are a lot of “shoulds” and standards and labels and categorizing and societal norms that we feel pressure to consider. Lately I have found myself somewhat disoriented (not in a bad way, but in an inquisitive way) of “what it means” to be my age. 

What does that look like exactly?

Do I dress too old for my age? Too young? What does it mean that I don’t have kids (and maybe don’t even want to have them), while many women my age do? What does it mean to be an independent female entrepreneur doing something that no one really understands? What is the typical (or accepted) routine or value system of someone my age?

I don’t judge any of it. I wouldn’t change even if I knew the answers. It’s simply a mental exercise to engage in—as one does--and I certainly still feel young as hell.

But I get a sense that aging is a bit more throwing for women than men, especially those who have put an emphasis on their looks and body, like I did, for such a long time. Your skin and hair quality changes, your body shape changes, you don’t bounce back after a night of drinking as easily ;) And more.

But I have to say, as much as growing up can be challenging at times, there is one thing that changes as you get older that negates all the weird and averse: you start to like yourself a lot more.

You start to feel comfier in your skin.

You start to appreciate things about yourself outside your physique.

You start to focus on things other than your body and you begin to see that you’re actually pretty badass.

You relax about things.

You lose some urgency and anxiety about needing it all right now.

You don’t compare yourself to others as much because hey, we’re all pretty awesome and there’ plenty for everyone.

You actually don’t give as much of a shit. Lol. At least in a very discerning, boundaried and loving way.

But seriously, when I was in my 20s and deep in perfectionist mode, nothing was ever good enough. I wasn’t lean enough. I didn’t have enough money. I didn’t feel loved enough, wanted enough. I wasn’t strong enough, my performance wasn’t good enough. I didn’t eat well enough. I needed more, more, MORE to feel like I was worthy and okay.

This kind of operating system is a never-ending black hole of misery.

Once you attain one thing you think will be enough, it’s on to the next thing, and the next. Meanwhile, the thing you thought you had under control is now back out of your control, so you are back to being unworthy and lacking.

Le sigh.

An example for me was training for figure competitions.

As soon as I got lean enough to get up on stage, I’d look around and see that the rest of my life was in shambles. I was neglecting my friends and family, I was doing the bare minimum at work to not get fired, and I was floundering in my online business because I didn’t have any time to blog or create social media posts, never mind even enough mental energy to think of stuff to write about!

I was pouring every ounce of willpower, time and attention into attaining “the perfect body” only to end up with nothing else. Such is the nature of extreme measures. I don’t think you can have it any other way.

We can see this kind of singular focus in some massively successful business people. They have millions of dollars and plenty of fame, but they might have a dysfunctional or unfulfilling family life. We can see it in some women who give up everything for their children, only to feel completely without purpose, appreciation or something of their own years later.

And you see this in the extreme pursuit of weight loss at the expense of everything else, including our level of self-love and self-worth.

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with pouring your efforts into a singular focus if what you truly desire is to be great at one single thing. In a way, I think it’s admirable. But let’s not kid ourselves into thinking that we aren’t going to automatically neglect other areas. It’s the Law of Tradeoffs.

No judgment, just choices.

And I guess for me, at this age, I am finding a lot of utility in the maintenance of “pretty good” in the body department:

My leanness (~20%) is pretty good.

My strength is pretty good.

My performance is pretty good.

My level of thinking about food is pretty good.

I eat pretty healthy.

Whereas in my 20s, nothing was ever good enough, now, “good enough” is plenty. I prefer it. The reason is because it’s useful.

When I can automate these things, it opens up the time and mental space to put toward nurturing my relationships, building my business, pursuing my hobbies, not generally being stressed all the time that I suck.

I want to train hard, but not for hours. I want to eat healthy, but also enjoy myself. I want to maintain my physique, but not at the expense of my relationships. I just want to feel good. I want my clothes to fit. I want to not have to think about my body all that much.

Extremes are out, moderation is in.

“Pretty good” allows for ease. And I get a lot of use out of that!

Gosh, I think I love getting older ;)

Xo,

Jill

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P.S. QUICK HEADS UP - Gals, I have been promoting on social media, but just in case you missed it—I’ve created a wait list for a brand new exercise product called treadLIFT that I am launching on May 3^rd. All 30-minute workouts that utilize the treadmill (or outside) and dumbbells only. If you want to get all the early details, discount and access, feel free to join the wait list HERE. Zero obligation, but I will be stuffing that list chock full of free exercise education over the next couple months. That’s it! Hope you have a great weekend! Xo