I get emails every day from women saying something to the effect of:

I totally get this. 100%.

The reason I even started trying to eat moderately is because I started to notice--week after week--I was doing the same thing: eating super “clean” and “tight” Monday to Thursday and then saying eff it and eating everything I wanted Friday to Sunday.

By Thursday night, I was done. Partially because I was so mentally burned out from dieting all week, and partially that I felt I was “owed” some rewards for being so good all week. I felt like I’d earned some dietary leeway.

That needing permission to binge ended up with me eating anything and everything for 3 days straight, only to go to bed Sunday night feeling bloated, guilty and hating myself.

I was doing this week after week after week.

And at some point, I remembered Einstein’s famous quote, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”

That was me.

I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing and trying to just “be better” and “try harder.” It wasn’t working.

But it was familiar.

Us humans are funny – we’d often prefer the familiarity of something that’s not working over taking the tiny risk it would require to try something new that just might work. We’d rather be certain it’s not working that unsure if it could.

So how do you pull yourself out of this cycle?

It’s a process—as we’ve talked about. But in my clinical experience working with thousands of women in the physique development space, there has been one single question I’ve asked for the last 5 years that reliably tells me if the person is ready for the long road—if they’re ready for mental leveling-up it would REALLY take to quit the all-or-nothing dieting cycle:

THIS is the transition question.

And it has nothing to do with your body. At all.

How you answer this question tells you everything you need to know about your state of readiness.

If you answer, “No!” right away, then it’s 100% fine, but in my mind (and personal experience), you’re still working through some worthiness stuff.

And that’s perfectly fine, I still have moments when I feel like if I maybe I lost a few l-b’s, I’d be more respected/adored/affirmed/worthy/good enough—and the key here is that there is always a process. You don’t ever just “get it”—but you do start to have some awareness and realize that sustainable results don’t come from a place of desperation and self-loathing.

Also note: this question doesn’t have any bearing on IF you will actually lose weight or not.

In other words, if you answer “Yes, I will be okay,” that doesn’t mean you’ve given up, or you will automatically gain 50 lbs.

Your outcomes are independent of your answer.

In fact, research on self-compassion shows that we are actually more consistent and action-taking when we show ourselves some love, than when we use negative self-talk to try to motivate ourselves.

Think about it – when you show up in self-love and appreciation, your mental anxiety over needing your body to look a specific way is negligible, leaving plenty brain space to actually do the things you know to do—like get to the gym, make healthy food decisions, practice mindfulness, manage your stress and sleep more soundly.

You can’t just hate yourself into compliance. No amount of self-berating leads to sustainable motivation.

And if you are someone who feels a constant need to lose weight and is 100% preoccupied with your body, the solution is actually not to lose weight. Because no matter how much you lose, you still won’t feel good enough. You’ll still be dissatisfied.

I walked on stage at 10% body fat, won my show and still felt like I wasn’t attractive enough, good enough, lean enough, worthy enough!

The answer is finding a way to appreciate your body right this second so that you have the mental reserves necessary to work at your goals.

Self-love = self-motivation.

So that’s why, when someone comes to me desperate to lose weight and feeling unsettled if they don’t (believe me, I understand the very real urgency and desperation you feel, I felt the same way for years), I don’t start with nutrition and training.

I start with mindset.

How you choose to think about yourself and how you choose to perceive the journey of body change has everything to do with outcomes.

You don’t blindly follow a meal plan. You live with yourself every single day for the rest of your life.

And once you can honestly answer, “Yes, I will be okay,” you are finally ready to transition into the long view for life-long health, function, strength and appreciation of yourself.

And that doesn’t mean you’ll give up! In fact, you might just relax right into an enjoyable, healthy routine that doesn’t make you miserable. And one that never ends.

Wishing you a great, self-loving week ;)

Xo,

Jill

P.S. Just a reminder that I only have a handful of spots left for the 3rd annual JillFit Fitness Business Retreat in North Carolina this September – and the Early Bird discount ends June 30^th! If you are a fitness professional or health coach wanting to learn more about doing business online, grab your spot here.