I love it because in my experience, when I focus on bettering myself—through mindset work, introspection and self-development—I show up in my relationships more present, peaceful, understanding and patient.
For a long time, I focused
solely on “the relationship” instead of the two people in it.
I think for many of us we feel safe and secure if the relationship stays status quo: No fighting? Good. Too much arguing? Bad. If the relationship feels somewhat stable, it means all was well.
But the problem is that the relationship is only as good as the two people in it.
If I am not focused on improving my own sense of self-worth apart from
the relationship, can you see how that’s a huge burden to put on the other person? “So long as I have you, I am okay.” – that is unsustainable.
When I rely on the relationship for my identity and my self-worth, I become impatient, resentful, controlling and insecure in the relationship when things don’t go my way.
And how can things go my way all the time, when someone else is involved??
Of course they
can’t.
To me, the solution is focusing on showing up as the best human I can be in all my relationships.
When I do that, I am not as scared, insecure or passive-aggressive because I am meeting my own needs, versus needing the relationship to do that. I am more trusting of myself. I feel more in my power and less at the mercy of needing the relationship to look a specific way.
The relationship can then
just become pure joy and gratitude, not a crutch.
This stuff is hard! Especially if we have been operating a certain way for a long time. But I want to challenge you for a minute.
If you are interested in this stuff, below are a few questions to consider.
You don’t have to do anything differently, but if you have ever felt like your mood and sense of happiness is 100% reliant on your relationship (and don’t like
that feeling), then you might consider some introspection work to feel in your power:
- What is one thing I can do for myself that will help me show up more present and patient in my relationships?
- What is my value outside of my relationships?
- What one thing can I do that would be 100% my own?
- If I didn’t have the relationship(s) that I do, could I find a way to feel happy and worthy all on my own?
- What ways have I tried to control my relationships
to feel good enough?
- How could I selflessly allow the other person to do what they need to do for them?
- Could I see a scenario where my partner doing what they need to do—even if it doesn’t involve me—doesn’t mean I’m not good enough?
- How can I continue to increase my own sense of self-worth, not dependent on my relationships?
All food for thought, if you are as interested in this work as I am.
If you have 60 seconds, I would love
for you to click Reply right now and tell me your thoughts: What does this stir up for you? How are your relationships? What would you like to improve about yourself so that you can be a better partner?
Anything and everything. It would be a huge favor to me to hear from you - I read every single email that comes in!
Lastly, a quick reminder to get the Mindset Makeover courses on your mental calendar for this Tuesday July 11th if
you are interested in personal development and bettering yourself. I will be emailing you all the details, along with some pretty vulnerable stuff of my own on Tuesday ;) Stay
tuned!
Xo,
Jill
