Okay, just a quick heads up that I am feeling introspective this week, and so I am going to be sharing with you a mini course on mindset and relationships over the next few days.

If that’s not your jam, no worries, we’ll get back to our regularly programmed fitness and nutrition next week, but I hope you’ll stick around for these conversations because I think they’re instructive (and also super juicy, ha!).

So, over the last couple months I’ve shared some details about how the last couple years have gone down for my husband, Jade Teta and I. We’re still married, but have been separated for 18 months and going through the divorce process.

When I made the announcement back in December, I simultaneously asked for you not to send your sadness my way—been through enough of that—while also sharing with you that Jade and I are probably at the best, most communicative, trusting place we’ve ever been despite a redefinition of the relationship.

And I want to talk about that today: how can you rebuild broken trust in a relationship to feel closer than ever?

But first … the responses that I did receive from the announcement overwhelmed me. Hundreds of women responded with not only support, love and appreciation, but many shared their relationship experiences, too. Some said they have similar loving relationships with their exes, others felt a little lost having just gotten out of a relationship, and others (many) shared what they were scared to even mention out loud:

I feel you.

And I want you to know you are not alone (as evidenced by the sheer number of responses I got exactly like this), and also that I felt the same way for a long time.

Like Byron Katie says, “There are no new stories.” I truly believe we are all the same. Circumstances might be different, but 99% of the time, the deep-seated issues involved are around how two people’s insecurities and unworthiness are coming together, and how we can learn to navigate them within the context of a partnership or friendship.

Because here’s what no one tells you: most every relationship experiences periods of confusion, doubt, fear, resentment, feeling taken for granted, uncertainty, hurt, pain, etc.

Social media allows for us to show all the good parts, while hiding the not-so-good. And as a consumer of social media, our shame is only exacerbated because we feel like everyone else has a great relationship while ours is struggling.

I’ve come to find out—through talking to hundreds of women over the years via the Mindset Makeover courses—that it’s simply not true. Most relationships have amazing parts to them, but none of them are perfect.

And we can never know what’s happening in someone else’s relationship.

As for Jade and I, the truth is that we did have an incredible marriage for many years.

But what we weren’t prepared for was the immense growth that both of us would undergo, and at the time, we didn’t have the tools to manage it. Our businesses took off, our foci changed, and even though we loved each other (and still do), by the time we realized we had to manage it better, things had already shifted so much.

It’s not an uncommon story, but as a result of many things, the trust was breaking in our relationship, and we both, for a time, felt betrayed by the other. At times we didn’t respect one another. At times we didn’t trust one another. I spent a time in resentment and hurt and anger. As did Jade.

To me, while these kinds of ebbs and flows in relationships are never pleasant, they’re also normal. And in my mind, every relationship will have its ups and downs. It ALSO doesn’t mean the relationship is headed to its end. There are a ton of ways—if both are open to it—that the relationship can and will survive all of life’s changes and even transition into something better than ever.

My marriage, though it’s at its end, was a wild success in my mind. I grew tremendously, had so many amazing experiences and Jade acted as an invaluable teacher, unknowingly shining a light on my insecurities and helping me deal with them.

Another BK quote, “The person you live with is your greatest teacher.” Without the tough shit and coming head-to-head with our dysfunctions, I wouldn’t have been given the opportunity to grow. And maybe most importantly, if it weren’t for this relationship, I wouldn’t have learned honest and clear communication, which is now a nonnegotiable for me with any relationship—romantic or otherwise.

And I also view my current relationship with Jade is a success. It’s the most trusting it’s ever been and I actually appreciate him as a human in the world more now than I have in years (now that the cloud of my hurts, resentment and confusion has dissipated).

So how?

How do you, if you so choose, mend broken trust and build an even stronger connection?

It keeps you on the pulse of your relationship.

But it can be scary AF to implement, especially if it’s been so long since you engaged that way with your partner or close friends, if ever. Sometimes so much time has gone by that coming back to honest and open communication can feel really daunting, which is why we may continue to hold our tongue or walk on eggshells (I did for years). It feels easier to not talk. Just … keep the peace, avoid confrontation, sweep things under the rug, swallow it.

Okay! Because this email is already too long, lol, I’m going to wrap it up, and leave you with the promise of sharing the EXACT steps Jade and I have used to build a deeper, more trusting connection tomorrow.

Again, if this content is not your jam, no worries! You can either ride it out with me or unsubscribe. But as JillFit is a lifestyle brand, we know that things don’t begin and end with fitness and nutrition. Sometimes the biggest obstacles to our health don’t come in the form of what’s happening at the gym, but instead what’s happening in yo brain.

I’m loving you! More tomorrow.

Let me know if you have any questions – I always love hearing from you.

Xo,

Jill

P.S. If you know someone who might need this content, I would love if you'd forward them this email, or send to this THIS PAGE so they can get access to the mini course this week! TY! xo