Last month I was in NYC with one of my best friends, Jen Sinkler. We hadn't seen each other in months and we were catching up on all the details, things not said on social media and only the things shared between girlfriends:

"Jilly, tell me everything."

I discussed the things I was excited about and also the things I was struggling with. She listened as I shared the messy stuff and my follow-up affirmation that, "It's fine, I actually like it, the struggle makes me feel alive and like I'm engaged and learning."

Jen confirmed, “Yea, you do like it, it’s grow-y.”

I burst out laughing because a) is grow-y even a word? #no, and b) it’s actually so true.

I think the term is “growth-enhancing” lol, but as always, Jen breaks grammatical rules like only an actual professional writer can.

I liked it.

I do like grow-y.

I like the mess because it's a service. I think our struggles and feelings of uncertainty and fear are invaluable experiences we won't have without putting ourselves out there and doing some bigger things.

Starting a business is scary.

Growing your family is scary.

Leaving a job is scary.

Moving to a new place is scary.

Starting a new relationship is scary.

Saying goodbye to an old relationship is scary.

Doing anything outside your comfort zone is scary af.

But what's the alternative?

But they are never pleasant. So what can you do, in those inevitable moments of mess, to anchor yourself and provide a sense of comfort or affirmation?

I wrote on this recently, and got a ton of feedback from you gals because it’s so easy for all of us to forget. It’s easy to get caught up in the urgency of the distress, and it can hijack our ability to think rationally (emotional hijack). It’s normal but also a distraction from the reality that at some point, things will be comfortable, more certain and easier again. They always are.

Life is a series of ups and downs. And not only that, I’ve found that areas in our life oscillate. For example, you might be satisfied in your relationships, your health is in check, but your career is where your struggle is. OR, you are cranking in your job, but your relationship is in shambles. OR, everything might be going “okay” but you wonder if there’s more out there for you—career-wise, relationship-wise, health-wise, whatever.

All normal stuff, and all part of the process. Which brings me to my next tool …

I’ve actually forgotten about this tool recently. Sadly, but also a few things have happened recently that have spurred me back to my gratitude practice and whoa, it’s a game-changer.

I think I got stale on it because I was starting to take it for granted, like, yeah, yeah, I’m grateful, of course I am. If you’d asked me if I was appreciative of everything in my life, I’d have said yes, but I wasn’t actively practicing it.

Here’s how I actively practice gratitude: every day, at the end of the day, I set the timer on my phone for 2 minutes (because c’mon, if it’s gonna take me all day, I aint gonna do it!). And I write down 3 things I am grateful for having, doing or being. And then I write down one thing I am struggling with and how I can be grateful for that, too.

So it’s not just acknowledging the good stuff, it’s about actively embracing the hard stuff—not because you want more of it—but because ignoring it or being Pollyanna about everything is a disservice to your sense of power, fortitude and resiliency. Give yourself more credit than that! Acknowledging the shitty stuff isn’t wishing for more of it, it’s getting clear on the reality of things and then coming up with an actual plan to overcome it.

As a result of this practice, I’ve felt a greater sense of self-trust, confidence and ironically, control.

Okay, I’m not talking about taking a bath or getting a massage. Lol. I mean, those things are fine, but what about something bolder? Something that acts as a message to your higher self that YOU are in control of your life, and you get to create any mothereffing thing you want, thankyouverymuch.

To me, “bolder” always means “the opposite of what I’m currently doing.” Lol.

This is about putting yourself in your power. Not waiting on someone else. Not being at the mercy of someone else’s decision or waiting for affirmation or being on someone else’s timeline.

There are a million small (and big!) things we can do on a daily basis to facilitate a feeling of personal power. I don’t know about you, but the victim life is not for me. And I know that feeling in my power is only one choice away, always.

I hope you’re having a great week, and let me know what you think and how you are doing. Now that the #FastPhysique launch is over, I am catching my breath and catching up with you all. I’d love to hear what’s been going on (or even if you are loving (or hating, ha!) #FastPhysique).

Give it to me.

Xo,

Jill

P.S. Also a quick note to let you know that The Radiance Retreat—a 3-day in-person fitness and empowerment weekend hosted by Jen Sinkler, Neghar Fonooni and I—is coming up June 16-18^th and spots are filling up quickly! We always keep it small (less than 40 women) so that we get a ton of face time with everyone and you can connect with each other in a deeper way. If you have been sitting on the fence or wondering how you can connect with other like-minded women, this is definitely it! Details here. Let me know if you have any questions, xo.