You know that moment when you realize that your parents are just human?
You see your dad’s humanity or your mom’s insecurities?
You see them for who they are—real people, with real insecurities, doing the best they can?
I was 19 years old the first time my dad courageously reached
out to me for support--to talk with him, be a friend, to ask my opinion.
I remember feeling simultaneously scared—because wtf did I know, he’s the dad!—but also so honored and appreciative that he wanted that type of relationship with me, like a peer, and he actually listened to me, trusted me, didn’t make me feel like a child or like I didn’t know anything.
I loved that moment so much.
I’ve had similar experiences with
my mom, and even my ex-husband, who is 8 years older than me and to whom I looked up to, almost as a teacher, for years. I’ve loved the experience of viewing their humanity and insecurities and feeling like we are finally on the level together—equals. I remember feeling like, now we can finally communicate, ha!
I even remember meeting my business mentor for the first time in 2010 and literally shaking while introducing myself. She wasn’t in reality “famous,” but in my
mind she was. After that, I hired her for a year of mentorship and now, 7 years later, we’re peers and literally just 2 months ago, we spent an evening huddled together in a corner at a fitness conference talking about relationships and business and marriage and more.
She’s just like me. Amazing.
And finally, this past weekend, Jen Sinkler, Neghar Fonooni and I hosted the 5th annual Radiance Retreat here in
LA.
Fifty women from all over North America descended, and we talked, laughed, lifted, drank wine, brunched and I even challenged them to get their businesses up and running—a challenge many took me up on by the end of the weekend!
They came because they wanted to meet other women like them. They wanted to be surrounded by women who all are wanting more in their lives, others who want to change something or level up (and man oh man, did they
ever!).
And maybe, they came because they’ve followed the work of Jen, Neg or myself for a time, and felt a connection.
Great, awesome. The work itself, the community and messages are the marketing.
But as a reminder, as my dear friend Elizabeth DiAlto says, “the problem with keeping people on pedestals is in order for them to be ‘up there,’ we have to stay ‘down
here.’”
This applies to meeting people “from the internet” or any celebrity or whoever.
Ugh. No.
We are all the same.
That gal you think has it all on Instagram? Got insecurities.
That mom you think has it all together? Is working through her own shit.
That couple you think is perfect? They’ve experienced their fair share of ups and
downs.
That fitness professional you think is killing it? No one knows what happens off social media.
That celebrity you think has it all? Human, just like you.
The only difference between someone who is “more successful” (which, how do you even define it?) and me, is that they’ve been at it longer. They’re more visible. They’ve put themselves out there more. They started earlier. They’ve had more experiences. They have
an expertise that you don’t (and hey, you have one that they don’t).
That’s it.
No one is a superhero.
And continuing to put people up on pedestals is doing all of us a disservice. We are all the same. We all have insecurities we are working through. And alternately, we all have our own zone of genius. And we all have special gifts that the world could use—some are just doing it more loudly than others or for longer than
others.
Lastly, I want to point out something interesting I’ve noticed—the “humanity gap.”
It happens like this:
- Before you meet someone in person, you put them up on a pedestal and think they walk on water.
- Then, you meet them and/or work with them, and see that they are just like you. They might have more experience or expertise in a certain area, but they’re human, just like Mom and Dad, or your
partner, or mentor or whoever.
- Then you feel, ironically, a little let down by that. You want them to be the superwoman you thought they were. You might even judge them or criticize them because you feel done wrong or let down. They didn’t live up to your high expectations.
- Then, finally, FINALLY, once you get over yourself, start garnering your own experience and wins, you can appreciate them for who they are—just another human, even an extraordinary one—just like
you.
And just like I did with my mentor, you see that you are peers. Friends. The same.
And THAT is when you know you are really leveling up. You realize that putting someone up on a pedestal doesn’t help, but instead hinders your own growth.
This is why, last weekend at Radiance Retreat, Jen, Neg and I worked to make everyone feel included. We laugh together, self-deprecate, tease one another, get a little tipsy together, share
openly about what’s going on in our lives—and often use tools like Instagram Stories to show the real stuff—so that by the end of the weekend, everyone is on the level. Everyone feels equally inspired and competent to go and create something meaningful in the world.
It’s a special weekend, and always reminds me why vulnerability and authenticity are key. I never want someone to meet me in person and think, this chick is nothing like she is online. I want to be congruent
through and through.
I wanted to expand on the concepts of vulnerability and authenticity since THIS #JuicyJourney post was so well received. And it’s timely with Radiance just finishing up.
The takeaway? Resist the temptation to put people up on pedestals. It makes up compare and doubt ourselves and it also does them a disservice where they can’t possibly be the person you thought they were.
They’re human. And you are
too, and when we all get on that level, the human one, and honor each other for showing up as best we can, we can all elevate together, instead of perpetuating anxiety and depression and loneliness and competition.
So, if you are ready to hang out IRL and get busy with your online fitness business—maybe if you are a trainer, instructor or health coach—I’d love to see you at my 5
th annual
JillFit Business Retreat in North Carolina this September.
Every year this event sells out so be sure to
grab your spot by June 30
th, when the Early Bird pricing goes away!
It’s 2 days of deep diving into your online fitness platform, teaching you everything from social media to creating products and services to email marketing and branding—designed for health and fitness pros.
Let me know if you have any questions and I cannot wait to drink some vino (or your choice of
bevvie) over some business strategy
talk!
Xo,
Jill