Today I wanted to send you a quick message about confrontation, discomfort and overcoming our fear of rejection or failure (and exactly how to do it).

IF YOU DON’T HAVE TIME TO READ: No problem! Maybe come back to it over coffee tomorrow morning, but if nothing else …

Sensual Movement is a 39-video course with sensual movement flows (from 5 minutes to 30 minutes) designed to help you feel more confident in your body regardless of your dress size, and help everyday women who have felt a little disconnected from their feminine energy re-connect with it. I’ve been doing the flows for the last couple weeks and I am loving how it compliments my heavy lifting and intense cardio. Yin and yang.

Get Sensual Movement before midnight here.

Okay, now is where you can stop reading if you want ;)

*************

I was chatting with a good friend last week. He was someone who I considered a kind of “spiritual coach” when I was just getting into mindset work back in 2011, but with all the changes in my life, he and I had not talked for over a year.

It was good. He came with the insights as always, but I found myself saying, “Yeah, things are a bit messy right now, but instead of hating it the whole time and wanting the discomfort to end, I’m kind of enjoying it. I actually like the disorienting, sometimes painful and uncertain things that are coming up for me, because it makes me feel engaged and alive.”

And to my surprise, it was true, and the first time I’d really voiced it like that. I’m okay with not knowing exactly what is going to happen and I’m feeling okay acting in spite of my fears and discomforts.

But later on, I was thinking: what was the change?

 And I wrote down:

It’s actually been shown in research that humans fear alienation more than they fear death. This makes sense, though. We fear not being accepted, not being understood, not being chosen, not being included, not being well-liked and we go to great lengths to make sure we are approved of … sometimes by people we don’t even like, ha!

And I did that for a long time—desired affirmation for affirmation’s sake. Just to “keep the peace” or not ruffle feathers or to avoid uncomfortable conversations or emotionally unpleasant situations.

But I wonder …

I think we are. Because there’s utility in the discomfort. There’s maturity in the ability to withstand rejection. There can be a confidence and self-esteem built out of not being picked all the time. And still surviving it.

I mean, we do put ourselves in positions of possible rejection all the time:

And over time, the more we do this, the more we stick our neck, the more vulnerable we make ourselves, the more we share honestly and authentically, the more we put ourselves in a position to be opposed or rejected or challenged or forced to have the tough conversations, the better we get!

Experiencing these subtle disagreements, these opposing viewpoints, these slight rejections or dismissals, these tough conversations, surfing the discomfort and uncertainty without needing to control everything every second is evidence of you growing emotional strength and resiliency.

Women are often programmed to need to be accepted and liked. And because of this, 99% of the time we take any kind of discord or disagreement personally. We make it mean that we’re not good enough or somehow what we’re doing is wrong.

Not true. Disagreements do not have to necessarily equal bad.

This used to play out in my own relationships so clearly. If there was even a hint of discord, my immediate impulse was to brush it under the rug and concede whatever I needed to in order to get things back to harmony and ease. “No, no, I’m fine. Just forget I said anything.”

But these kinds of shortcut paths back to the status quo don’t serve us long term.

They perpetuate our propensity to crumble at the slightest hint of questioning or discord. They may force us to give up things we actually want. And they cause us to throw in the towel on things way too early. Or even settle for something we don’t want just to maintain certainty.

So how do you overcome your fear of rejection and persevere though the tough stuff?

Gah, that’s hard! But here are some example’s I’ve used in these scenarios:

I’ve engaged with many people in very honest ways over the last couple years, and have completely detached from outcomes. I have literally said, “This is how I feel and if you feel different, I am fine with that.” Or, “This is what I want, and if you can’t provide it or don’t want to, then I am fine going our separate ways.” Or, “If this is a no for you, I get it and respect it, but then understand that I’m probably not going to be around as much.” Or, “This is how I feel and if that changes things for you, I understand, no problem.”

It is with this practice that over time you become less and less affected by rejection or disagreements.

It’s hard! But it’s powerful.

Engagement is the antidote. And discomfort is the tool.

If you are ready to continue to chase the discomfort (and also end up feelin’ yourself a little more ;)), be sure to grab Diane’s program, Sensual Movement, which closes tonight (Friday) at midnight PST!

Get Sensual Movement right here - LAST DAY!

Wishing you a great weekend!

Xo,

Jill