I’ll never forget when I started competing in fitness competitions.

No one knew what the heck I was doing. No one got it.

My parents thought I was on steroids. My friends were worried I would get too “jacked,” and no one at my gym had ever done a competition. All I had were my idols in Oxygen magazine and my desire to get super lean, and yes, even jacked.

I skipped meals out.

I declined social event invitations.

I went to bed at 8:30pm.

I flared my lats while passing any reflective surface. Lol.

I checked my abs constantly.

And I became obsessed with food.

Not anything I’d recommend now, but one thing I don’t regret was the work ethic and the dedication I poured into the process. It was rare. My dedication was a badge of pride—for better or for worse—and it was hard for many people in my life to grasp why I would dedicate myself to something so tirelessly.

But, I am someone who likes to be focused. When I am taking action, I am in my power.

People often ask me how I do all that I do in my business, and the answer is because I don’t do anything else. In fact, my mom was just visiting for a week and she spent the entire time doing my laundry, making a list of things that need fixing in my house and running errands I’d been putting off, like going to the post office, checking my mail (ha!) and getting my oil changed.

Look, I don’t know if it’s “healthy” or not, but one thing that people don’t understand about someone who is focused—on anything, body transformation, business growth, personal development, their relationships, finding a partner, whatever—is that the more we multitask and split our time and distract ourselves, the less in our power we feel.

Maybe that’s a bit control-freak-y, but it’s also the truth. Taking action feels goooooood. Seeing progress day to day, whether it’s in the gym or the office feels gooooood.

And we can’t get around the fact that if we want to achieve something, we have to focus. We have to take action daily. We have to get to work. And we have to keep on keeping on, even when everyone else gets tired.

So what do you do when no one supports you? It can be hard to keep going and keep striving if you feel alone.

Here are 4 strategies I’ve used:

What I’ve found is that if I get defensive or angry when someone makes a condescending comment about what I’m doing or even just doesn’t support me or get it, my frustration can always be traced back to my own insecurity. If I am stressed when I hear a criticism, chances are it’s already hitting one of my own sensitivities about my own abilities. What if they’re right? What if I’m not good enough? What if I really don’t have any business doing this thing? What if I do fail? I’ll be so embarrassed. So it makes sense that we’d get upset when someone hits one of our sensitivity buttons. But it’s also a red flag to do the internal work to trust ourselves more and gather more confidence (which in my experience requires more action and experiences).

So if I’m upset that others aren’t supporting me, it’s not them I need to convince, but myself.

This is a tool I learned from positive psychology researcher Michelle Gielan, and she say that if you are dealing with Negative Nancies in your life, or people who just want to subtly criticize or take passive-aggressive shots at what you’re doing, take it upon yourself to set the tone of the relationship. Don’t wait until they say something, and then get defensive. YOU be the one to start off the convo on a high note—talk about your excitement or all the positive feedback you’ve been getting, or how pumped you are for the next step. When we start out high, it leaves less room for them to go low. This is called coming with the Power Lead, and it works beautifully when you’re consistent with it.

This is always the hardest one. Besides, we’d support them. We’d have their best interests at heart. How come they can’t give us the same consideration?

I recently had someone close to me question how I ran my business, and it felt hurtful. Like, why can’t they just trust me or just support me and be happy for me? But in the end, I did some internal work because I don’t want to feel stressed and alone. So after the desire to defend myself passed, I sat with it clinically. I tried to see things from all angles: was there any useful advice? Would I actually want to change anything as a result of this feedback? Am I being clear enough in my communication? Am I totally on board with my own path? And most importantly, why is what I am doing making this person feel insecure? Chances are they’re feeling threatened or scared for me or my doing my thing is hitting a sensitivity of theirs. Okay, cool. It’s not that I’m wrong, it’s just that my actions are threatening their comfort or way of seeing the world.

And THAT is not my problem to solve. Moving on.

Your actions are the ultimate filtering system. And (sometimes unfortunately), when you take bold moves, it means that others won’t be able to keep up or can’t. And so, as you progress in your health journey or business journey or relationship journey, things might change with those closest to you. Hopefully many come alongside, but some won’t.

So it’s necessary to seek out and actively connect with people who are on the same journey towards more. The internet gives us so many opportunities to do this: FB closed groups, attending in-person events with like-minded people, connecting over social media, joining coaching programs and masterminds, etc. “Your people” might not live in your town. They might live in LA or New York or Sydney or Kansas City. But they’re on the internet. Find them.

If you want to connect with tons of people who are ready to up-level their online business game, join #ActionAcademy – it’s a free 6-week course to help health/fitness professionals and enthusiasts take MORE action in the pursuit of their dreams in 6 weeks than they have in the last 12 months!

And my year-long Best of You Business Mentorship for 2018 is right around the corner.

There’s plenty of ways to find support: through your own conviction, through your own language, through not taking comments personally and finally, through actually seeking out and surrounding yourself with like-minded people.

What do you think?

Are you ready to double-down on you, with the help of those who believe in you?

I’ve always got your back, and I believe in you even if you don’t quite believe in yourself yet. The process works if you are brave enough to engage.

As always, let me know what you need, and have a great rest of the week!

Xo,

Jill