A few weeks ago, Danny-J and I recorded the first batch of episodes for #TheBestLife podcast (no, it’s not quite live yet—you submit to iTunes and GooglePlay and then cross your fingers—it can take anywhere from 2 days to 2 weeks! Believe me, you’ll be the first to know when it goes live).

Anyway, one of the episodes was a super juicy dive into the what-happened and the lessons we learned as a result of the affairs our husbands had during our 10-year marriages. Yes, I know it is super weird that we basically lived parallel lives, but it’s also why we feel obligated to discuss these typically-taboo and historically-hushed conversations.

Soooo, yeah, publicly talking about infidelity and betrayal and not having the most amazing relationship is … not awesome!

Ha! It’s taken me a long time to share what happened between Jade and I, and though I know the affair is not the only thing that contributed to our divorce, it’s the easiest thing to focus on.

My subconscious “theme”—as my spiritual coach, Julius calls it—is that I am unlovable at my core.

A lie. Obviously I am worthy of love, as is anyone. But nonetheless, sometimes we want to create, manifest, believe or even consciously choose scenarios that prove our underlying feelings of not-good-enough.

I believe all of us are struggling against feelings of not-good-enough some of the time. I don’t think that’s bad per se, I just think it’s part of the human condition. It’s why we chase “the perfect body.” It’s why we compare ourselves to others. It’s why we doubt our abilities and self-sabotage. It’s why many of us are scared of success.

And it’s also why—sometimes subconsciously—we manifest the perfect scenario to prove that, yup, I was right, I knew I couldn’t possibly keep my husband interested in me. Of course he’d have an affair—I’m not pretty enough, thin enough, successful enough, interesting enough, sexy enough, WHATEVER enough.

Lies. Lies. LIES.

Once we become aware of what’s going on—our insecurities trying to convince us that we’re unworthy—we can start to do the hard work of self-love, self-appreciation and actualizing our self-worth.

And on that note, last week I was in Mexico on a personal development retreat. I didn’t have my phone on me. I didn’t talk about business. I cried about 43,702 times, and well, I ate a lot of tortillas. BUT, the experience was life-changing.

Philip McKernan was the facilitator, and he challenged all of us again and again and AGAIN. I uncovered a lot of BS and blind spots, and came to some frankly shocking realizations about my own wants, desires, needs and tendencies. It was amazing.

But one thing Philip said really hit me between the eyes:

I loved it because I think so many of us go around asking for, assuming or demanding the kind of love and respect we want from others—constantly frustrated at why we can’t get it—when love, appreciation, respect and trust begins with us.

It’s been said that we accept the love we think we deserve.

And I believe that our relationships are our responsibility.

If we don’t like them, we can do a few things: a) demand the other person do something different (because that always works😂), b) change something about the way we’re showing up, or c) leave.

Sometimes c) may be best, but in my experience the 2nd option, though the toughest, is usually the most effective.

It doesn’t mean we change who we are or act in a manipulative way to get what we want. Instead we look at the ways in which we are showing up to the relationship with that person AND with ourselves.

How can someone love and appreciate us when we don’t have a history of self-love and appreciation of ourselves? Even if someone is loving and appreciative, we may not even be able to feel it or experience it because we just don’t believe it’s possible. Maybe like me, you’ve experienced feeling unlovable at your core.

So, start with you.

What are the practices you’re using to show yourself love and appreciation regularly?

It starts with us.

And ... that’s a good thing because that’s the only shit we can control anyway😂

So for 2018—why not make a list. Make a list of the things you’re going to do to honor yourself. And the things you are going to stop doing that make you miserable.

Ironically, it’s Jade who I got the idea of creating an Honor Code from—and though I don’t have an Honor Code per se, I definitely have clear boundaries and lines in the sand. And I am not scared to take action if they are violated.

What are yours?

What will you stand for? What kind of treatment will you endure or rebel against? How do you want to be treated? Both my others and by yourself. Negative self-talk needs to be called out just as often as inappropriate treatment by others.

I am so looking forward to 2018. I hope you are, too.

2015 was a struggletown year.

2016 was the year of just staying afloat.

2017 was the year of LOLs.

And 2018 will be the year of up-leveling.

I’m out of the woods. I’m open. I’m ready.

Let’s do this.

Thank you for being here and for being open. I’m wishing you a happy HAPPY holiday with your loved ones!

Xo,

Jill

P.S. Mark your calendars for January 10^th—when the brand spankin’ new #MetconMonster Challenge starts! ALL NEW workouts! Registration opens Jan 1^st – hold tight, I’ll be sharing more soon! Xoxo