I think you already know this, but the dieting industry is really good at perpetuating things that are fast, quick, easy and shiny.

It's why most of us have spent years and even decades jumping from meal plan to meal plan—Paleo, keto, Atkins, Zone, Weight Watchers, even the Master Cleanse lol—and it still keeps not being the thing.

I'll never forget the first time I did a strict competition diet.

My body responded super fast, I shed 10 lbs of water in the first week, and from there the weight just came off—25 lbs total.

I was in heaven. The affirmation was addictive, my clothes zipped right up, people wanted to know what I was doing, asking me for advice, I was setting up photo shoots, spending money on new clothes. You name it. Life was good, especially after I ended up winning my show.

Until.

Until I regained all the weight in a matter of weeks.

It was devastating. I was embarrassed and so full of shame. WHY did I do that?? Why did I eat all that crap?? I beat myself up day after day, how did I let myself gain it all back after all my hard work?!

Because I point blank did not know how to eat outside of a super strict competition diet. I even remember going to the grocery store after the show and just going, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO BUY.

Which was ironic considering I'd been grocery shopping just fine for 24 years. Ha!

But the problem was that I’d started down the road of all-or-nothing eating. I'd had a taste of what my body could look like, and how amazing it could feel in that body, that I didn't know what else to do except start another diet again.

And so I did.

I thought the only solution was another strict diet so that I could just get that feeling back as quickly as possible and not feel frumpy, bloated and hiding under baggy mens Hanes t-shirts.

My body didn't respond as fast. I had to do more cardio, cut carbs a little more. My metabolism wasn't as responsive as it had been before, I wasn’t shedding water as quickly.

But I didn't know what else to do, so I tried harder. I restricted more. I made it work. Got on stage again, won again.

And thus continued the cycle FOR THE NEXT 6 YEARS.

It wasn't until I quit competing and fitness modeling that I finally had a conversation with myself that went something like, "You have no more deadlines or events on your calendar to 'prep for'--you need to figure out how to eat forever."

And it was terrifying! Giving up my all-or-nothing dieting ways felt like losing control—eating things that previously I hadn't allowed myself, trying to eat those things in quantities that wasn't binging. Trying to practice self-compassion. Trying to cut back on my hours of cardio and trying to TRUST every second that I wasn't going to gain 50 lbs overnight ...

Man, it's been a long road.

It took me about 3 solid years to finally go from all-or-nothing crazy dieter to someone who eats moderately 365 days a year.

Sure, I'm not 12% body fat anymore, but you know what? I'm not nearly as far off as I thought I’d be when I first stopped dieting. I've gained weight but I am healthy, I am athletic, I am strong, my clothes still zip  up and most importantly, I don't obsess over food, I barely think about it.

Here’s where we’re at and I’m really good with it: