Over the last few days, I have been thinking about something:

Do you think gratitude is a luxury? As in, only people who are successful can afford it because OF COURSE they’re grateful, who wouldn’t be?

So, like any social media person would, I ran a poll on my Twitter account.

And then I asked on my Facebook page. I was so inspired by what everyone had to say.

But the reason I was thinking about this was because I think it’s often easy to look at people who “have their shit together”—what does that even mean—and think, gee, it must be nice. Of course, they can be grateful, LOOK at their life! Or, of course they can be generous, they have a boatload of money! Or, of course they can be happy, they have the perfect relationship!

Who wouldn’t be??

But here’s a secret from someone who lives their life on the internet: people put their best stuff online, and often don’t talk about any of the not-so-awesome stuff.

It makes sense. Being vulnerable and admitting we’re struggling is hard. Or, we don’t want to be a downer. Or we don’t want to be seen as, ahem, not having our shit together.

But appearances can be deceiving. I had my first glimpse into this backstage at a fitness competition with some of the leanest women I’d ever seen and many were not happy (“Wait, I thought lean = happy?) or secure in themselves (“I thought lean = confident, finally!”).

Nope, not necessarily the case. It was an eye-opener for me.

For the 2 years my marriage was on the rocks, I didn’t talk about it publicly. One, because I didn’t even really know what the heck was going on. And two, I felt a lot of shame and embarrassment.

I worried what people would think. I was scared of having a “failed marriage”—which again, I think that depends on how you choose to describe failure. I felt ashamed because I felt as though I couldn’t “keep my husband.”

All 100% valid feelings.

All 100% not true.

But one thing I do remember, was a friend saying to me right when I was in the thick of my anger, shame, hurt and self-righteousness, “The tool here is gratitude.”

BALONEY!

I curbed my tears long enough to laugh in his face! Ha! Hahaha! Haha!

No way.

I kinda did know intellectually that he was right, but the idea that there was anything worth feeling grateful for in that situation was absurd. Haha!

Looking back, I have a lot of compassion for myself at that time, but regret that I couldn’t find the courage to be grateful until later. I had soooo much to still be grateful for!

And I eventually did get there, of course, but I think this is where the nuance concerning, “Is gratitude a luxury?” comes into play.

When you are emotionally hijacked, when you are in pain, when you feel betrayed or done wrong, when you are suffering physically, when you feel like life is happening to you … gratitude is hard.

Feeling grateful can feel like condoning a behavior or a person or situation or even society. It can feel like settling or giving up. It can feel like betraying the anger that is serving us in that moment.

I’d look at couples who did seemingly “have their shit together” and go, ugh, must be nice! Lol.

I forgot about gratitude for a second because I was locked in scarcity.

But the truth is, gratitude is a game-changer.

I don’t think feeling grateful is a luxury only some people can afford when they finally have the money or the relationship or the health or the acknowledgment.

I think gratitude is for everyone.

I think you can choose it in any moment, when things are good, and more importantly, when things are not-so-good. It will turn your perspective around faster than anything else. And it provides a solid foundation for action, striving, abundance and eventual solutions (because isn’t that what we ultimately want? A better outcome?).

And that person you think “has their shit together,” I can guarantee they have their moments too ;)

So, a few follow-ups for YOU:

1. I’d love for you to go to THIS POST and share with me the #1 thing you are grateful for in this moment. It can be anything—big or small. I texted 3 people yesterday out of the blue to say thank you, and I didn’t expect or need a response because the joy was in the sharing. It comes back to me 10-fold. So go share with me, I’d love to hear what you’ve got.
   
   
2. If you want more content like this around mindset and self-development and you want to do it with an amazing group of like-minded women, then consider registering for ELEVATE ’18, a live event I’m hosting in Los Angeles in April. The EARLY BIRD discount expires in 3 days—Feb 28^th. You can get all the details right here. We only have 10 spots left and I’d love to see you (could be a good opportunity to say YES to something you’d normally not consider?).
   

That’s it!

Let me know what’s good.

And remember … I’m grateful FOR YOU.

Happy Monday.

Xo,

Jill