Quick message today on managing other people’s comments and judgments about how you look.

I’ll never forget back in my competition days, after I’d rebounded and gained back the 20-30 lbs I’d lost for a show, and someone would say something like, “You’re looking healthy!” or “You look strong!” I’d immediately think they were remarking that I was a fat, lazy couch potato who eats too much. Lolol.

This is hilarious considering healthy and strong are positive comments—we should like being called these things, no?

But my insecurity and body obsession wouldn’t let me see it that way.

"Healthy” meant I was eating too much, and “strong” meant I was beefy. My insecurity was already that I was out of shape and not good enough, so any comments about my body immediately put me in defensive mode.

And feeling defensive when someone comments about your body is normal. Like, “Why do you have to comment/notice/feel entitled to have an opinion, bro? It’s none of your business.”

And yet, comments will always happen.

People will always feel the need to state their preference (“too muscular” or “too manly” or “not lean enough to be a personal trainer” or whatever)—and though I am often confused as to why people need to do that, they will.

So, how do we handle it when people make comments, judgements or criticisms about our body?

First off, it’s always odd to me that strangers feel justified telling you they don’t like your body. It’s like someone tapping you on the shoulder at the store and saying, “you’re too muscular,” and then walking off😂

But, it still happens. So, for me, if the person is being rude or malicious on social media for example, delete and ban, they’re obviously not interested in a discussion.

And sometimes comments are not ill-intentioned but it’s our sensitivities that have us on the defensive. Consider that the person might be confused, or uninformed or just lack tact. I try to get objective with comments and ask, does this person mean harm? Like getting a comment that I look healthy … uh, it’s not the comment but my sensitivity that made it threatening.

Second, I always remind myself that people are entitled to their personal preference. Doesn’t mean I have to agree, but they’re not “wrong” or “bad,” they’re just telling their truth, which is valid.

The sharing of negative feedback is odd, certainly. But trying to be every single person’s preference is impossible, which is why the next tool is so important, and that is…

OWN THAT SHIT.

Ownership is the macdaddy tool.

Come with the confidence and conviction.

While others are entitled to their opinion, yours is the only one that matters. You don’t have to prove anything when you show up unapologetically in full-on affirmation of you.

People can have all the opinions they want, and none of them matter because YOU like your look.

Using “The Power Lead”—coined by positive psychology researcher Michelle Geilan—is when you preempt the peanut gallery by coming out strong FIRST with confidence in your look.

Owning it all leaves very little room for comments or judgements, we’re just not available for feedback or opinions.

Others’ opinions, judgements and criticisms are never going away. And as bizarre as we find it that people feel compelled to insert their preferences when it wasn’t asked for, it’s still gonna happen.

So let’s us take responsibility for not letting it ruin our day, cripple us or keep us from continuing to follow our dreams and live our lives.

It’s not waiting for others to be different, it’s adjusting our outlook and our attitude so we get to feel in our power and confident no matter what.

Wishing you an amazing and powerful rest of the week!

Xo,

Jill

P.S. If you want more on this topic, here’s an article I wrote a while back on how to stop caring what other people think of your body.

P.P.S. My attempt at keeping emails shorter—this one is 700 words, ha!—still working on it. Thank you for the feedback and for being here and being open to the convo. Love you xoxo