Hi ,

I hope you are having a great Monday so far!

I am feeling fired up coming off an amazing weekend at the Elevate ’18 event here in LA, where we hosted 55 incredibly brave and ambitious women, all wanting to level up in the areas of mindset, body confidence, relationships and even online business.

Today I want to share with you something that came up quite a bit this past weekend, but first …

I FINALLY DID IT.

Started a free closed Facebook group for JillFit!

I wasn’t sure, but after seeing the visibility of JillFit posts totally tank on Facebook over the last year, I wanted somewhere to connect with a smaller group of like-minded women who do want the content, who want to interact daily and have meaningful convos about mindset, body and business.

The group is called the #RadicalResponsibility Project and you can join right here. It’s totally free.

Cool? Cool.

Now about this past weekend …

I loved having some of the more vulnerable conversations around body esteem, feelings of unworthiness, taking risks, stepping out of our comfort zones and more. But one fear seemed to come up over and over again, and that was:

“I want to be more authentic and pull back the curtain some more, but I am scared of judgment and criticism from friends and family who think I shouldn’t be talking about certain things or who are take it personally.”

This is such a common fear--far and away the thing I coach newbies to online business to start working through. Or those who want to finally get healthy for good. Or maybe it’s leaving a job or moving away.

Because of course, we want the people closest to us to support us, tell us to go get ‘em and not make us feel bad for following our passion or doing what we need to for us.

But they don’t always support us, right?

And chances are, if you are intuiting that someone has a problem with you and what you are doing, they probably do.

BUT … that also doesn’t mean we don’t do it 😉

Especially if that thing we want to create is in line with our purpose, meaning and passion. We can’t not do it.

So, over the weekend, I shared 3 tools that I use when I find myself stressing about others judging me and how I can just take action, even when I am scared:

1) Take what they say (or don’t say) at face value.

My practice is ONLY concerning myself with things that are actually said to my face. Meaning, if someone has an issue with what I am doing, they can come and talk to me. Or not. But I am not in the business of trying to uncover hidden meanings or ulterior motives, and it’s definitely not my job to decipher passive aggressive behavior.

We are grown-ass people who should be able to have an uncomfortable conversation if it’s that important. And if the person you think is judging you isn’t secure enough to bring it directly to you, then why worry? I know, easier said than done, but my M.O. is forcing my closest family and friends to be honest and bring things to me by not going to them all like, Are you okay with me? What did I do? What’s wrong? Am I upsetting you??

No. If you are upset, talk to me. But if I don’t hear from you, I will assume we’re all good. This segues into #2 which is…

2) Use the phrase, “… could you see this from my perspective?”

Sometimes we do engage in the conversation. And that’s always my favorite option, just getting it all out on the table. So many of us shy away from uncomfortable conversations but when you come to it without a ton of emotional baggage and just commit to a discussion, a lot of misconceptions can be worked through.

The big problem about being scared of taking action for fear of what others think is that … it keeps us from fully doing the thing that’s calling us. We have a dream or a passion that we want to realize, so when you think about it, not pursuing it is actually stifling our meaning in the world. It’s hindering our purpose, it’s compromising ourselves.

So when you are having the conversation with your loved one, explain exactly that:

“I understand that what I’m doing makes you uncomfortable, and I am sorry it’s affecting you like that. But at the same time, it doesn’t really have anything to do with you. It’s what I feel called to do. It’s what my soul needs to meet its higher calling. This is how I feel purpose in the world, I have to do it. Could you maybe see that from my perspective? That compromising on that would actually hold me back?”

Tough, right? But in my experience, asking someone who loves you to support you in something new requires they get out of their self-centered bias and try to see that you’re not trying to upset them, but instead to fulfill your purpose.

3) Deploy empathy.

This is probably the hardest because, who are they to judge us? It has nothing to do with them! Exactly, but … mindset work is often about introspection and turning our desire to defend and blame on its side and asking, could I actually empathize with this person because they’re not where we are? They’re not as secure as we are. They haven’t had as much experience, they’re operating from fear, they haven’t stuck their neck out as much as we have, they are still feeling scared and small.

This isn’t about being “better than” but instead just seeing it like they have not gotten there quite yet and they’re scared of what your changes mean for them or your relationship.

Understandable, right? We don’t have to assume they have malicious intent. We can just see them as not as far along in this evolution. Again, they might be further along than us in other areas, but I haven't met one successful, confident person who is threatened by someone else taking massive action, so this does have to do with a level of security.

You’re willing to stick your neck out. You’re willing to get out of your comfort zone. They have not yet had that experience—at least not in this realm. So … we can empathize, no?

This might not help them come to terms with your actions, but it will help YOU shift your perspective of the situation and be able to move on faster and with less resentment.

I hope this little Monday message helps you set the tone for the week, and remember, I’ve got your back. If you need support, a little nudge or help from someone who has been there, then I’m here for you (and be sure to join the #RadicalResponsibility Project for more!).

This past weekend was amazing. Thank you to everyone who came out, and a huge BRAVO to my business mastermind women who spoke at the event! Proud of you.

Xo,

Jill

P.S. Speaking of my business mastermind, you might not know, but applications are open all year and admission is rolling. You can always pop your application in HERE, and I’ll be in touch if I think we might a good fit to work together! Xo