Hi !

I was so pumped to see so many scooping up the Mindset Makeover courses over the last 24 hours, considering they are on a SUPER discount for my birthday week, until noon PST tomorrow! Cannot wait to hear about the huge transformations that are to come!

If you’ve ever thought, man, I need to get my mind right, get over my BS and start actually creating the life that I want, this curriculum is exactly for you.

Be sure to grab your spot before the discount ends tomorrow, RIGHT HERE.

Today is quickie message about emotions.

Sometimes we hear “self-help gurus” saying things like, “Just be happy,” or “Don’t be negative,” or there’s this subtle inference that negative emotions like sadness, anger, hurt and resentment are somehow bad or unacceptable.

So what happens is, on top of already feeling upset, we judge ourselves because “we should know better!”

Not helpful.

So I want to delineate between feeling emotions and honoring them (normal), versus staying mired in them or taking them on as part of your identity (misery).

Ready?

The first time I head of the “default human brain,” it was reading Kelly McGonigal’s ‘The Neuroscience of Change.’

She described it as our base selves, and for me that translated into how we act when we have zero practice in self-reflection, awareness or introspection.

In out default state, we defend, deflect, blame, complain and generally just react to things and play defense. Most of us live here. And I definitely did for the first 29 years of my life, until a coach of mine shared a super simple insight:

Most of us think it goes:

Action-->Immediate Emotion (anger, sadness, irritation, defense, etc.)

… as if there is a set response to things like being cut off while driving (anger), or your friend backing out of plans (irritation), or someone forgetting to wish you happy birthday (annoyance).

But my coach showed me that there’s actually a tiny bit of SPACE between action and emotion:

Action-->Time-->Emotion

There’s actually some time there to decide what you want your response to be.

And when you start doing mindset work, you start recognizing that time and using it to then decide what meaning you will ATTACH to the action.

Sure, someone cutting you off in traffic isn’t fun, but don’t we have a say in how we respond?

A friend backing out of plans can be frustrating, but can’t we choose how to feel as a result?

Yes, it can hurt when someone doesn’t remember our birthday (I personally have never really cared, but good job to the dozens who reached out yesterday, ha!), but isn’t feeling hurt a choice?

Your emotions are always valid.

But they aren’t a given.

Meaning, you do have some say over them.

Don’t judge them as they come up, but instead ask why.

Your emotions are instructive if you use them to ask questions: why am I choosing to feel hurt when someone backs out of plans? Couldn’t I just move on with my life instead of making it mean something? Could I give the other person the benefit of the doubt (i.e. they’re swamped at work and want to decompress instead of hanging with me)?

And I can even just allow it to be more discerning moving forward with that person—maybe I don’t invite them so much in the future (which is also fine).

Actions have the meaning we give them via our emotions.

And emotions are never bad, they are just red flags to investigate and use that teeny but of time to reflect and elevate our mental game.

This is an ongoing process. It’s a practice. There’s no judgment about any of it.

And if you are brave enough to start down the path of personal development, I commend you because it takes courage, humility, detaching from ego and elevating your biases and self-limiting beliefs.

Not easy. And never fully “done.”

Buuuuuut, always worth it ;)

Welcome to the Mindset journey. Glad you’re here.

Xo,

Jill