Hi ,

We all have patterns.

I do. You do. Your neighbor does. That person you love to follow online does, too.

And some of us don’t love our patterns. Or we want to change them.

Maybe we have a family dynamic we slot ourselves into and we want to change it. (Side note, honestly, hosting ‘The Best Life’ podcast has given me immense insight into our weird human tendencies, it’s almost comical how a comment from our mother or a passive-aggressive jab from an old friend can send us right back to being 12-years-old again🤔😂).

Or maybe we have an automatic negative response to food.

Or we keep avoiding taking that next big scary step in our career or investing in ourselves.

Or we shy away from saying yes to new experiences, regardless of having the best intentions.

Whatever it is, we want it to be different.

Something I hear a lot is, “Jill, I get it. I knoooow what I should do, but I just can’t do it. I have the desire, but I just keep not doing it!”

Understandable. We’re up against fears, priorities, habits and lack of know-how. And we also know that we can’t change everything all at once.

So how do you change one single pattern?

My approach is to first ask, “In this scenario, what would I normally do?” And then I ask, “What is the opposite action?”

And then I do my best to do something close to that.

If I’d normally say, “I can’t afford” something, I try to invest or attempt to make it work, even just a little.

If I’d normally stuff my feelings or hold my tongue, I try to be more vulnerable by sharing one small thing.

If I’d normally decline scary opportunities to speak or host something, I say yes before I can overthink it (and then often run away and hide lol).

The prompt is simple: what’s my normal pattern? And what’s the opposite of that?

Sure, sometimes we might not follow through or it might not work, but at least starting to have the awareness begins the process.

And if you wanna take things one step further, you can ask, “What would the person I’m trying to become do in this scenario?”

Or, “What would the person I’d like to emulate do in this scenario?”

You might think of someone who is living the lifestyle you want, or is doing what you want to be doing. So ask in those instances, what would that person do?

This helps us see other options and instead of just defaulting to our old way, it forces us to pause and think, to make choices more consciously.

It almost gives us a kind of borrowed courage to take action.

My favorite thing is looking around at people who are succeeding at the thing I want to do, because it shows me examples of people doing scary things and surviving them, ha! Which gives me the courage to ask, “Why not me?”

A little Monday mindset musing for you.

I hope you have a great week!

Xo,

Jill

P.S. Speaking of 'The Best Life' podcast, Danny-J and I are thinking about putting together a tour of the US next year, where we'd do a different city each month (January will be Los Angeles)--probably a little Sunday "Brunch with Besties" event, plus a live podcast and maybe even a Q&A panel, where you could connect with other like-minded people in your area and chat with us.

If we did it, would you come?? Reply back and let me know! ;)