are you using constructive language?
Published: Fri, 03/08/13
Hey ,
Drop me a line and let me know, I'd love to hear your story.
For the past 5 days, I have been holed up at a Yoga Retreat in Sedona, AZ. And if you know me, you know that yoga is waaaaay out of my comfort zone. I know it has benefit but for whatever reason, I have not done it regularly in many years. So thrusting myself into a week-long 2-a-day asana practice was, well, probably not the smartest thing :) but despite the discomfort, soreness and complete change of pace from my usual workouts, I have really enjoyed myself for several reasons.
Besides the yoga (which we do plenty of), the small group of women gathered here has shared quite a bit in terms of our personal struggles and insecurities. Mindset stuff. It's very juicy :) which I love, of course.
And there seems to be a common theme and that is: The language that we use with ourselves is not always the most loving or compassionate. We like to beat ourselves up for the things we think we "should" be doing, saying or being. I get that 100%.
So today, I want to give you a couple insights I had about our own self-talk and how to potentially turn it around so that it serves us, rather than tears us down and makes us feel badly about ourselves.
Much of what we do and say happens automatically. We don't think about it. It is learned over time, an automatic reaction. We act out of habit. We speak out of habit.
The key though, is that our actions and our WORDS reinforce our perception of ourselves. Simply put, whatever we say, we also start to believe. This works with both positive and negative affirmations. For example, if we say we suck at whatever--out loud--we start to believe it.
Have you ever met someone who says, "I'm sorry" every time they speak? They say it is an intro to whatever they are going to say, as if they are apologizing for anything they have said in the past, for what they might say next and for basically being alive :) I have. And I think I used to do that a lot too, in my younger years. This is an example of an automatic response--speaking out of habit.
Here's another one I bet we can all relate to: That person who when complimented says, "No way!! I'm fat!!" and cannot take a compliment? Do you automatically deflect compliments in an effort to seem self-depricating or humble? Or because you feel undeserving of that attention? It can seem a simple humble gesture to deflect, but it is doing you more harm than good. Why? Because you are essentially training yourself into unworthiness. When you automatically block compliments or use negative self-talk, you are indeed reinforcing some sort of "I'm no good" mentality, whether you know it or not.
My personal practice has been to stop trying to use humility as an excuse to deflect compliments and stay small, because when I do that, I am only hurting myself in the long run. Do you think you could begin owning your awesomeness? Allowing compliments to sit, and even directing a few at yourself? Can you give yourself the win in certain areas of your life instead of strictly focusing on things you wish you did better?
Through this self-talk process, we begin SPEAKING what we want to be, out loud. If you want to be worthy, you have to start saying it. If you want to be fit, healthy, beautiful, you have to stop blocking compliments that try to give you that. Start accepting them graciously. It's not awkward. It's empowering :)
Your reality begins with your words. So what kind of language are you using?
Ox,
Jill