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I'm sitting in a café in San Diego two months ago with my good friend and fellow wellness business owner, Liz DiAlto, and I'm telling her about an issue I'm having.

See, Liz is one of the few people who I go to for coaching on mindset because not only is she well-read and has a thriving coaching business, but she's not judgmental at all and can empathize, but also does not get into a pity party with me. Which I love. Personally, I need people in my inner circle who don't encourage the victim mindset, but instead challenge me to take responsibility and grow, in a kind and loving way.

Liz is amazing like that.

So, back to the café ...

The issue I brought up to Liz was that I'd heard some negative feedback second-hand about me. It was feedback I was concerned with from someone I cared about. But I felt a little helpless at what to do considering a) it was not brought to my attention directly and b) the complaints had to do with me, as a person. Things that were simply part of who I am. And frankly, though it's taken me a million years, I'm finally at the point now that I actually like who I am.

And so, what should I do?

The old me would have defended to the death. Deflected. Justified myself. Got angry and brought it up to the person in question, incredulous!

But now, I don't know...

On one hand I like constructive criticism, because it's always nice to know how I'm being perceived, but I also don't know that I can or want to change as a result. Besides, I've spent a lot of years running around trying to garner affirmation from a lot of people and I ended up losing myself in the shuffle.

Just not willing to do it anymore.

So I tell Liz, "I don't know what to do because this person hasn't brought it up to me directly, and you know me--I don't make assumptions and I take what someone says at face value. So if they feel this way, I kind of feel like they should bring it up to me. I feel it's really their responsibility. And if they can't or don't, then what can I do? It's really none of my business."

Liz listens attentively to everything and then says something I'll never forget:

"If you like who you are and what you're doing then honestly, fuck feedback. I hate to say it like that, but just do you and stop stressing about what other people say or do."

Like whoa. I think Liz coined a new definition for #FF :)

And yes, it might sound a little harsh and perhaps even a little closed-minded, but Liz was right. Changing yourself to appease others is a trap. It's a rabbit hole that never ends. It keeps you in a prison of needing affirmation and running all over the freaking place trying to obtain it.

And in the process, you lose yourself, because you are now putting on a show of who you think you need to be in order to be accepted or to garner affection.

Or even to avoid conflict!

How many of us have done this? I have a million times! And being raised in an Irish Catholic family teaches you to "keep the peace" and "go without" and just sweep any kind of confrontation under the rug because it's uncomfortable and scary. Love my family, but can't say I love the Irish guilt. :) 

Liz and I talked a lot that week about SELF-trust and the idea that you have an obligation TO YOURSELF (if not also everyone else) to show up in the world unapologetically authentic. Not in a bomb-dropping, see-if-you-can-handle-me way. But in a way that deepens our relationships through honesty and integrity.

Because trying to be someone you aren't can turn into a fulltime job. It's work. It's stressful. It doesn't feel good to worry about potential rejection all the time.

On the other hand, SELF-trust says, "You know what? I'm going to TRUST myself to be 100% myself and let the chips fall."

Because what someone thinks about you is not your business.

Aaaaaah! So, sooooo tough. But so true. 

And honestly, for me, if I have to be someone else in order for someone to like, love or appreciate me, then we don't have a real relationship anyway. So I might as well show up authentically and let them make their own choice accordingly.

The idea that we can ever control what others think and say about us is shortsighted. Truth is, all we can do is show up in the world how we are, honoring our highest selves and with unapologetic authenticity.

We can act kindly, be caring, supportive and be considerate of others. Of course we can.

But ultimately, all we can do is our best. And how that's perceived isn't up to us. The only option is to let the chips fall and find ways to be happy regardless.

You've heard me mention this before, but the concept of SELF-TRUST is my latest practice. For me, it's the final frontier. It's the ultimate in personal freedom and happiness. It's everything. 

And I'm excited to be speaking about just that in one of several workshops at an event I am co-hosting with Liz and another one of my personal fav mindset coaches, Amber Rae, at an exclusive ONE-DAY RETREAT.

CreateNYC is an exclusive one-day event open to only 20 motivated women who are ready to take their self-realization. mindset and inner game to the next level.

Liz, Amber and I designed a special sun-up-to-sun-down event in Manhattan on May 24th for the sole purpose of helping attendees find, realize and own what makes them come alive.

For this ONE day, you'll have our undivided attention and access to our best practices and coaching, including workshops, exercises, step-by-step processes and Q&A in an intimate setting of 20 like-minded women. 

The purpose of the day and the outcomes you can expect include the guidance you need to help you create, find and realize your highest self. Uncover the things that make YOU come alive and help you connect with your inner love, life and purpose. And a lot more, found here.

Lunch will be prepared by a private chef. Coffee, tea and healthy snacks provided throughout the day and we'll end the evening with a wine tasting and social hour. It's going to be a once in a lifetime event! I can't wait for you to experience it.

====> ALL THE DETAILS ARE HERE. Early bird registration open thru March 31st

Feel free to let me know if you have any questions and I hope to see you in May! And remember, #FF :)

Ox, Jill