Hey ,

Last week's email about perception got a huge response. Many women wrote in and said how much they appreciated my transparency, appreciated how "open" I was in talking about my BS and how I copped to my struggles.

I love that.

But I also thought, wow: WE ARE ALL DYING FOR PERMISSION TO BE HUMAN. 

Of course we are! 

It doesn't feel good to have to put on a show of who you think you need to be to be loved, affirmed and approved of. But that's often an automatic thing. We think: What will people think if I say this? Or, What if I do this, will people judge me? Will people think I'm no good? Will people think me weak, undisciplined, weird, crazy, out to lunch? 

I get that, totally. I spent a lot of time when JillFit was just getting started trying to be who I thought I needed to be, i.e. "the expert" so that people would respect and like me. I blogged on "the science" and tried to sound like my incredibly smart husband Jade, exhibiting my biochemistry knowledge and making sure to "look the part" and not let them see me sweat. I also would take me A MILLION YEARS to write a single post, ha!

But I thought putting on the perfect show of competency would inspire others and make them like me and trust me.

Well, being an expert is great, but not if people can't relate to you! And relatedness is what--above all else--breeds trust.

I've read so many blogs where the person puts on the perfect show of eating, exercising, never having a hard day, clean eating effortlessly and listing every single diet rule, saying, "Just do this." (early JillFit days, too!). 

Simple, right? Just eat these thousand vegetables with no butter and dry chicken breasts, you'll be lean in no time!

I'm not saying they're wrong--people will get lean from flavorless chicken breasts and vegetables--but ... WTF?

Anyone who says eating for leanness and exercising daily with no issues is either not being 100% honest or has no life outside of that. No judgment. But remember, this is a matter of priorities. The top fitness and figure pros prioritize their physiques. It's their #1 concern, not to mention their income!

So how can you or I--who are running a household, have a family, a career, is building a business, taking care of family and friends, wanting a social outlet or creative time and mental space--compare ourselves to the %0.0000001 of people for whom their job depends on being 12% body fat?

THIS IS REAL LIFE.

And no one is talking about how "real" it is. The online space allows infinite opportunities for people to show their best sides. Photos are filtered, status updates are basically all humble brags and most of the online fitness pros are saying, "Just stop binging at night." There. Simple. *wipes hands clean*

But it's not that easy, is it?

People struggle. We have challenges. We don't always make great decisions and sadly, in times that we don't, we feel like no one understands us, and we have a lot of shame around it. Well, I can tell you one thing based on the feedback I get at JillFit: WE ALL FEEL THE SAME WAY. There are no new stories! People are dying for transparency and to know that someone is in this with them.

Does this mean we all just say screw it, and gather around for a pity party? No. Of course not. If you know anything about me, you know that I am all about taking responsibility. But relatedness is key, because it breeds trust. 

And trust allows for movement. Trust allows you to take action more readily.

Think about it--when you trust someone or something, you put faith in them. You're more willing to be vulnerable. You're more willing to rely on them. Trust is about knowing you are not alone, and then feeling safe doing what you need to to move forward.

So in a sense, trying to put on the act of perfection is (not only a lie, but) is keeping you from getting the results you say you want. 

Perfection is an obstacle, not a solution.

Relatedness and transparency, on the other hand, are the answer. My spiritual coach always reminds me of something Brene Brown said in 'Daring Greatly,' which is "shame can't survive exposure." In other words, once YOU say it, who can call you on it? You already called out yourself. There's no show of perfection to uphold. You can breathe a sigh of relief and just be you, no expectations, no obligations, no considerations.

In my most recent blog post, I shared one of my go-to tools for dealing with fear of being a fraud: transparency. 

You're human. Show people that. When you expose yourself first, the worst thing someone can say about you you've probably already called yourself (doesn't mean it's true, necessarily), but I find that transparency dissipates antagonism or any weird comparison games. You get to just be you. 

On the other hand, when you pretend you know it all, that's the precise moment when someone's going to swoop in and pull a status play because they want to bring you down a notch. Own your experience, and don't be afraid to let them see you sweat. It doesn't make you less credible. In fact, it makes you more credible than ever because now you're also relatable.

If you are dying for permission to be human, just know that you can be. And not only is it okay, but those who deny their struggles or are constantly putting on the show of who they think they need to be, will be the ones who will actually struggle forever.

Owning your BS opens you up for movement, options and progress. Don't deny yourself that opportunity.

Know that I'm loving you!

Jill

P.S. Remember to mark your calendar--my 4-Week Food Obsession Boot Camp opens for registration on Wednesday May 28th and begins Sunday June 1st! More deets to come... :)