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Got this question from a gal yesterday and I thought I'd answer it here because I think many of us struggle with this. SUCH a juicy question:
Hey Jill, question for you. I don't really restrict/binge... but it's more of a constant battle of trying not to overeat. I am constantly obsessing about portion control -
I have a lot of trouble stopping when I'm full (I don't think I am in tune with my hunger signals AT ALL) and my obsession takes the form of thinking all day about whether or not I can have a snack, whether or not I should be eating less, stressing about how I know I will overeat/snack too much/clean my plate because I don't have a handle on my hunger levels.
I'm very rarely actually hungry, I ALWAYS snack in the afternoon regardless of
what I'm eating for lunch and dinner, and I very rarely put my fork down before my plate is empty, Do you have any advice to give someone in my shoes? My answer to myself is JUST STOP, but that's not really working for me. Any advice? Thanks, Lauren
This is tricky, because there's psychological stuff going on, as well as actual physiological implications, re: hunger.
Hunger is different than cravings.
To understand a craving, all you have to do is remember the last time you were super stuffed at dinner and proceeded to polish off a dessert anyway. Or when you are not hungry at all at night, and sit down in front of the TV and snack non-stop during the hours before bed. Or if you've ever done that thing where you alternate a sweet taste with a salty taste, and back again (it's
a never-ending cycle!). That happens because you crave THE TASTE of those foods. Not because you are actually hungry for them in your stomach.
In short, cravings occur in the mind. And they come about as a result of many things: boredom, habits/rituals, numbing emotions, "rewards" at the end of a hard day or week, etc. We just want to have what we want to have. These are cravings.
Hunger, on the
other hand, occurs in the gut. We physically feel hunger. And in the standard American diet, very rarely do we actually feel hunger. Usually we are acting on cravings.
So, something else to think about: Should we let ourselves get hungry?
I used to be really scared to get hungry because ... what would happen?? Would I
be able to control myself?? I was fairly certain I'd end up at DQ with a Blizzard the size of my head, and a week of remorse. But, I never gave myself the chance to find out because I was diligent in preventing hunger.
Does this work?
I think it does in the beginning. Like Lauren mentioned above, she rarely ever feels hungry. And yet she spends hours a day stressing over what will happen if
she does/doesn't eat and what the ramifications will be.
You know how to find out what the consequences will be of allowing yourself to get hungry?
LET YOURSELF GET HUNGRY.
This is a trust vs. control thing. We want to control hunger (by preemptively squashing it) because
the alternative is letting ourselves get hungry and then having to do the work of figuring out how to handle that.
But, you know what? There's value in struggling through it. There's value in letting yourself get a little hungry. There's value in TRUSTING YOURSELF in those moments when food is not available and you have to figure it out.
As a coach, I want my clients to eventually not need me
anymore. If I am a good coach, I should WANT them to reach the point where they "get it" without me. I want them to be self-sufficient and not have to rely on me for everything.
Hunger works the same way.
So long as you are constantly stressing about eating too much/too little, am I hungry? Am I not? What will happen if I do/don't eat this right now? etc, you will never give yourself THE CHANCE to
struggle through it. You will never actually KNOW what will happen. And if you are busy trying to prevent worst case scenario (or what your mind projects will happen), you never get the chance to actually GET BETTER at surfing your urges.
I actually like feeling a little hungry.
Why?
Because it's an opportunity to practice mindfulness and get better at being able to make a moderate choice anytime, anywhere. This is not about deprivation or trying to lose weight via starvation. It's about allowing myself to feel the sensation of hunger at times in small amounts because it serves to help me get better at handling it. I don't need to overeat when I am practiced at moderation. And the more I trust myself to handle any situations that arise (food, no food, treats,
McDonalds, a gas station, my in-laws O_o, etc), the less I need to THINK about food. I'm just okay with whatever. This isn't about not being healthy, but instead about dropping the obsession with having to control my eating every second.
Being able to make a good choice anywhere I end up is actually the ultimate in control, yes?
What Lauren needs is to get practiced at being able to have a
taste of something without having to eat it all. If she still feels the compulsion to eat it all until it's gone, then on some level, either emotionally or physiologically, she is still deprived. And of course deprivation inevitably leads to binging, so the goal is simply to never feel deprived.
And how do you practice this?
A couple of the techniques that I've used to teach myself how
to eat moderately (I used to be an EAT-IT-ALL-TILL-IT'S-GONE person) include:
Check these out, and find the one that you think you can start with. I started with preemptive cheats because I wanted to
learn how to eat the same 7 days a week and break the deprive-then-binge cycle.
This takes time, patience and mindfulness. WATCH WHAT YOU ARE DOING. Stay aware and resist the compulsion to go on autopilot. Monitor it all, without judging and berating yourself.
Let me know how you do!
Much
love,
Jill