Hi ! 

So much of being able to actually do the things we need to in order to change our bodies comes down to mindset. And today I want to talk about bridging that gap between knowing and doing.

But first...

I want to personally invite you to a free webinar training I am holding this Tuesday called: 5 Female Mindset Insights for Physique Change. Register here for one of 2 time slots.

In the training, I am going to be going through my top tools and the exact techniques I use with my clients to help them approach the eating and exercise process with a long-term success mindset, not an all-or-nothing mindset.

Next...

Let's talk the comparison trap.

Ugh. 

Why do we do it when intuitively we knoooooow it doesn't serve us? It's certainly natural and normal and common, and we live in a relative world where everything is "more" or "less" than something else. But it's also a game we can never win.

If you want to see how prevalent comparison (and then mimicking as a result) is in the fitness industry, just check out how many magazines feature the "daily meal plan" of models and competitors. WE LOVE THESE THINGS, don't we? I do too! It's cool to see how these girls with these amazing bodies eat.

BUT. 

I think making the jump from, "She eat this and looks like that," to "I should eat that and then I can look like that too," is very dangerous. For two reasons:

1) The idea that we can and should eat like someone else takes the YOU out of the equation. Remember you? Your unique metabolism, your personal preferences, your psychological sensitivities? YOU matter. And tossing ownership over to a coach or expert or even a fitness model whose diet you read about is short-sighted, because it's only when YOU get up-close-and-personal with yourself will you discover your personal fat loss formula. No one can do it for you, and chasing "the best meal plan" or working with "the best coach" will always keep you reliant and frankly, unsuccessful long-term. Own your process, and when you do that, you realize that no two journeys are the same, and so comparison is rendered completely useless.

2) When we inevitably don't get the same results (because no two people will have the exact same experience), it leaves us feeling defeated and like a failure. We ask, "How come we can't DO it?! And so-and-so can??" It's infuriating and depressing. And certainly not motivating.

But THAT'S the trap. That is the exact reason why comparison doesn't serve us.

What happened when I sent out a copy of my daily meal plan...

I sent out an email a few months ago with my own daily meal plan. But the email itself was to explain how I'd (finally!) come to a place of balance and zero obsession after years of yo-yo dieting. It was not to say, "You should do this," but simply an explanation of why I eat and exercise the way I now do. It was more an education in the process, rather than about revealing the best meal plan on earth (besides, my meal plan is not the best; it's the best for me).

In short, after years and years of doing 2+ hours of cardio a day and going super low-carb, I had damaged my metabolism to an extent and my body simply could not take any more weeks, months or years of doing a ton of exercise. And so I cut back my training. And because I cut back my training, I also didn't have the same drive to eat like I did before (hunger and cravings now balanced), so now, naturally I eat less. And I maintain my weight effortlessly. It's not hard, and I never feel deprived. I hardly think about food anymore.

But many people started counting up my calories and emailing me that I wasn't eating enough for my body (height/weight comparison even though I weigh 160 at 5'7") and saying I was in a "chronic caloric deficit." People were concerned, and I get that and appreciate it. But the reason for their concern was because they were comparing ME and my process to theirs. They looked at their own height and weight (or that of their clients) and compared it to mine, and thought I must be doing something wrong. Which is strange considering I've never felt more "right" in an eating plan/process before.

See. This is what we do, and it can be confusing because we want certainty. As human, we crave the math equation. We often assume everyone's experience is the same as ours. And it's just not. This can be a hard pill to swallow.

Which is why we now know that comparing two people, two processes, two results is absolutely impossible. Because no two people are the same.

Let's take two people weighing the same with the exact same body fat both go on a 1500 calorie per day diet...

They will get completely different results based on their own metabolism--specifically how many "miles" of dieting they have on their metabolisms. People who have yo-yo'ed up and down in weight many times will naturally have a less responsive metabolism than someone who's never done that.

Think back to the first time you ever went on a calorie-restricted diet. You probably got incredible results. But then something happened and you either gained it back or plateaued. Why? Because calorie restriction has a built-in ceiling of effectiveness. You can't just keep decreasing cals forever, and expect a linear and predictable result. The body doesn't work that way.

And so the "unfairness factor" in weight loss is huge:

We say:

"Why am I not losing weight too? She and I eat the exact same!" or better yet, "She eats worse than me and is skinnier!" Ha! ;)

Or, "My husband and I went on the same diet and he's lost 15 lbs in 2 weeks and I haven't lost any!"

These are not fair comparisons because no two people are the same. You will always be leaner/fatter/thinner/more muscular/less muscular/prettier/uglier/more successful/less successful, etc than someone else.

And as women, for whatever reason, we go searching for those who are "better" than us and then use that to fuel our not-good-enough-ness so that we can continue to be a failure. 

Can we agree that this approach is a trap? There's no basis in real utility, and it only serves to make us feel discouraged and defeated. No thanks!

Can't wait to chat more about this on the webinar (it's the #5 insight!) ... I'll see you there!

Ox,

Jill

 

P.S. Be sure to mark your calendar for this Tuesday July 22nd, when my 10-Week Mindset Makeover program opens for registration for only 4 days. It's been off the shelf since last October, and I am excited to open it up again! More to come... :)