I actually have a very similar story to Shalee that I want to share in a bit. But first, let's talk about the psychology of habits:
I
highly recommend the book, 'The Power of Habit' by Charles Duhigg. In it, Duhigg outlines The Habit Loop. I looks like this:
- Cue - This is the situation that we find ourselves in that triggers the desire or need for the habit to begin.
- Routine - This is the actual doing of the habit, the actions that have become effortless to us.
- Reward - This is the feeling we get once the routine is completed. Usually it's something along the lines of relief, relaxation, joy, ease, etc.
The reason it's important to know this framework is because at any point in the loop, you can do something
different or change your approach to break your habit. If you can break your habit down like this, you can now get strategic.
I love Shalee's
example above because it includes what I call 'situational eating' where we eat according to our environment or what is at our disposal--which usually is not optimal (think: "I get popcorn at the movies because, well, it's THE MOVIES!")--rather than making a choice out of mindfulness of our goals (no considerations).
Shalee had 2 things going on: 1) A ritual that was familiar to her (and thus hard to break, and requires harnessing willpower) and 2) a
situational eating challenge, which she overcame using mindfulness.
THIS IS REALLY FREAKING HARD TO DO.
And here's the thing I want you to remember: you don't have to be perfect.
And chances are, Shalee is going to have to PRACTICE that
choice again and again and again until she simply just doesn't even think about stopping for ice cream. And she won't be to that mental place for some time, but the key is that she's staying mindful and doing her best. Will she be successful every time? I hope so, but the way habits work, chances are she's going to continue to be challenged for a little bit. And that's normal! And it's also normal to mess up now and again. But so long as we stay aware and practice progress--not
perfection!--we are on our way.
I had a similar example to that of Shalee:
Years ago, I had a habit loop that revolved around nightly frozen yogurt. The cue was my drive home from work and the fact that it was the end of a long day of training clients (willpower zero). The routine was driving to the fro-yo place (which has a drive-thru! How easy can it
be?!) and seeing what the flavor of the day was and seeing the usual people working (Lol, and yes, all of this matters because it's part of "the experience") then I'd get to have the reward, which was going home to "relax" with fro-yo.
To break this loop, I started changing my routine in 2 ways: 1) I wouldn't come home the same way, or instead I would go to Starbucks to write order get a huge, hot green tea instead of going
right home, or 2) I would pack an apple or a protein bar to eat on the ride home, so that I would have my mouth occupied and it would also take the edge off my cravings so that I had more mental space to make a better choice (and I wasn't the victim of complete willpower drainage).
Over time, the loop started breaking up as my need to get fro-yo nightly waned because I put other tactics in place.
A couple keys with breaking habits:
- You can't just stop one routine and not have an alternative in place. What will you do INSTEAD OF the old way? Have some strategies ready to go.
- This doesn't happen overnight. Mindfulness takes time and practice. It's one of those things that you don't know is actually working until you wake up
6 months later and you are doing things completely different. So you're going to have to throw out your old notions of how fast you should be able to make this switch. You have to buckle in for the long haul and let "better" be good enough for a while. Give up your deadlines and just focus on your very next meal. Today. How will you tackle it mindfully?
- You still need to throw yourself a bone and find a way to feel satisfied. In other words, if
you are trying to drink tea instead of eating a pint of ice cream every night but you hate tea, what are the chances that this new behavior will stick? Probably zero. So choose an alternative behavior that still gives you some relief and takes the edge off. An example would be to start getting Arctic Zero ice cream, which is a healthier, lower-cal alternative and practice eating (and feeling satisfied) by that instead of just thinking you can commit to tea and a hot bath forever :)
- All you have to do, right now, is practice awareness. People ask me all the time, "How do you get mindful? Sometimes the food is already in my mouth before I can think about anything." I get that. But mindfulness is really just thinking. And how do you start? You just start. You do what Shalee did at least once a day. And then you'll start doing it more than once a day. And then, over time, it becomes your
operating system. Everything slows down to the point that you see many choices between the time you have the urge to eat something and the time you're actually eating it.
WOW. This stuff takes a lot of brainpower!
BUT.
The cool thing is that though it feels like an uphill battle at first (and it is, because willpower takes time and effort to strengthen), over time, all
that mental work begins building momentum to the point that all of this feels effortless. The first 6 months or so feel really hard, but at some point, you begin seeing the fruits of your mental effort until one day you wake up and are doing things 180 degrees different than before.
So now. Name one of your habits and break it down into cue, routine and reward. Then choose a couple satisfying strategies that you might try to break it up. Let me know
how you do on the Facebook page!
Best of luck!
Ox, Jill
P.S. Just a reminder that my 10-Week Mindset Makeover ecourse closes up tomorrow (Friday) night at midnight PST. Hundreds of women have already registered and are on their way to changing their mental game, which is super awesome :) Grab your spot here!
