Hey ,

I added a link to free mindset gift for you at the bottom of this email :)

But first, I want to share an interesting insight with you ...

As you may know, July was #MindsetMonth at JillFit and every day, I posted a unique mindset insight on the JillFit Facebook page. 

The final day, July 31st, I posted the phrase,"I complete myself" along with an explanation of why I sort of detest the Jerry-McGuire-You-Complete-Me thing. Though it's sweet and makes us swoon, I feel it subtly tells the story that we are somehow not okay or "whole" without that one special person who we need in our life (and of course they have to need us too!). 

I don't know about you, but the idea that I need anyone or anything to be worthy and affirmed on my own simply doesn't sit well with me. #idontlikeit

Do I love my husband? Of course! Do I want to have my family and friends around me, supporting me, loving me? Yes, I definitely do! Do I work for a career that has meaning and makes a difference? Yep.

Buuuuut, those things don't define me. And I don't define them. 

We are fine, okay, valuable without that. Our self-worth is inherent.

That's the beautiful thing about life. We are perfect alone and as is, but luckily, we get to share our lives with people we choose and love. They enhance our experience. They enrich our journey. They help us learn the lessons. They support us, challenge us, and make us smile.  

But they don't make us worthy. We are already that :)

Check out the whole post here.

Many people commented and shared the post on Facebook. It resonated with many women-single, married, divorced, with children, without, etc. And that was awesome!

However, one share incited a debate with a man who said the post was "like an adolescent still rebelling against the necessary connections of adulthood," as he "didn't see the maturity in trying to whitewash everything in 'positivity'" and my post was a "desperate attempt of someone trying to convince herself that she's happy being all cool and independent and free and stuff."

Well ... I found this debate really interesting! Ha! Human psychology is fascinating and I appreciate the perspective. And it got me to thinking (like these things always do) ... he's actually partially right with that last part:

All mindset work is insight into the person we want to be or who we are working to be. That's the whole point. That's our practice. It starts with the intention to be something we want.

It starts with naming your truth. For me, my truth is that I refuse to believe you just settle for what cultural norms (or Jerry McGuire :)) tell us we should be or that you shouldn't strive to create the life you want. I won't settle for negativity. I will always push for possibilities, positivity and inner peace.

So back to needing other people in order to feel loved, affirmed and okay ... sorry, but no. I won't accept that. It makes me miserable. And it's a game I can never win.

Sure, I still have plenty of times of insecurity when I get scared of the possibility of "being alone" and what that might mean, like everyone. So of course, my mindset work is on myself. Working to yes, convince--or maybe "affirm" is a better word--myself that I don't need anyone else to be worthy or good enough. 

I believe that this is the human struggle--not feeling good enough.  

And we use things like other people, "good jobs," money, nice cars, whatever, to fill in those gaps we feel. And of course that's the aim of mindset work--to work on closing those gaps of insecurity and overcome those feelings of inadequacy. And that ONLY happens through us.

So, I gotta tell you, when the alternative is accepting that I need someone else or possessions or the right job or car to feel okay, I WILL ALWAYS WORK TO TRANSCEND THAT.  

Yes, even by "faking it till I make it." Because it all starts with self-belief. 

You don't just get this stuff and are good to go. You have to work it, check in with yourself often, practice it, stay aware. And I will tell you this:

If I have to choose between someone deluding themselves with "positive thinking" versus someone who just chooses to be straight-up negative and contrarian, I will ALWAYS choose the former. 

And interestingly, research shows that acting a specific way, like acting positively, even when we are not totally convinced of our performance (!), actually helps us be more positive. This is called the "As-If" Principle, where you act "as if" you are already the very thing you want to be.  (Check out the book 'The As-If Principle' by Richard Wiseman)

In a way, this concept is kind of the opposite of the book, 'The Secret' isn't it? In 'The Secret', the author outlines The Law of Attraction where you simply think about what you want and it comes to fruition.

The As-If Principle says instead, act first, think later because fake-it-till-you-make-it is useful: action is more powerful than thought when it comes to change psychology.

So.

Thank you sir, for pointing out my attempt to convince myself of my truth, because you are absolutely right! And that is precisely how mindset change happens! 

I form my desire to become something and then I spend days, months and years working, through practice, to create the exact reality I seek. And you know what happens? Over time, I become the exact thing I want. 

It's a great system! And my default will always be to search out the positive, to learn, grow, change and get better. And I can't wait on anyone else to provide that path for me :)

Take a second to ask yourself, what reality are you looking to create for yourself? And begin your affirmation through action. Act as if you are already that very thing. And practice it. Work it. Be it.

Did you miss some of the #MindsetMonth posts? I put all 31 posts into my free #MindsetManual for download for you, here. Grab it!

Wishing you an amazing week!

Ox,

Jill