,

I feel bad for people.

No one can catch a break when it comes to making comments about one's food. If you're eating clean, someone mentioning something about your clean eating feels offensive or rude. If you're indulging, someone pointing out what you're doing deserves a punch in the face. Seriously, can people just keep their food comments to themselves?!

This is such a touchy subject, isn't it? 

You start eating healthy and people don't know what to make of it. They might feel a little threatened because it makes them take a look at the way they're eating, and well, their eating could use some work. So what begins as curiosity turns into snide comments and cheap shots until you just want to ask, "What does this have to do with you?!" It feels like an attack, it feels personal. I get that. And I even wrote a whole blog on how to deal with loved ones who don't understand your healthy lifestyle. This is hard.

But the opposite is true too, isn't it? People making comments when we are indulging is even worse, because we already feel shame. We already kind of sort of know we shouldn't be doing it, but goddammit this is my life and I'll eat whatever I want thankyouverymuch! 

Right? ;)

Comments about our healthy eating and comments about our poor eating are two sides of the same coin. In each scenario, we are given the opportunity to to choose our perception and choose our response.

Here's a story from my life ...

Several years ago, after one of my competitions, I was doing my customary off-season binging (i.e. the result of complete deprivation and 100% discipline for exactly 12 weeks and not a day longer) and was out to dinner with a family member. We sat to eat and I was on my, oh, #2 or #3 roll from the bread basket and this person said, "Gee Jill, looks like you're really enjoying that bread!"

Well, I immediately fumed! How dare this person -- who has no idea the kind of sacrifice I made or has ever exerted the kind of discipline I had -- remark on my food choices?! Was he insane? 

I replied something about not having had any bread FOR WEEKS and then there sat upset for the rest of the night.

I made the comment personal (well, I guess it kind of was personal), but what I did was make it mean that I was somehow no good, or fat or undisciplined or weak. I used it to affirm all the things I was silently thinking about myself anyway, letting it play on my insecurities.

THIS is the distinction. THIS is the crux. THIS is where the choice lies. We can choose to take anything we want to mean that we suck.

Because the comment, "You look like you're enjoying that bread," is actually benign. And it was true! I was enjoying it! Lol. So really, making the jump from an objective statement to something I take to heart and then play up the strong emotional hit on my ego is 100% my choice.

I could just have easily laughed off the comment or poked fun at myself and moved on way faster as a result.

Here's the thing: all humans have insecurities. It's completely normal. But when we work to become aware of them, we have more tools to dissipate that emotional charge when we feel it.

So my practice now? Awareness and perspective. 

I work to see all the angles. I see when I am doing "my thing," and I also recognize that other people are dealing with just as many insecurities as I am, which causes them to act certain ways and say certain things too. In fact, that bread comment probably had nothing to do with me!

For me, it's all about working to feel worthy and valuable 24/7, no matter what. And probably learning not to take myself so dang seriously.

This is hard, right?

In the moment, it can be hard to let go of the unfairness of it all. Our egos get in the way, and the need to justify and get up on our high horse (like I did) takes over. I get that and it's powerful. 

But what I've personally found even more powerful is giving others the benefit of the doubt. 

Besides, everyone is doing the best they can. And we can do ourselves (and them!) a favor but not jumping to conclusions and not assuming the worst, because that only makes us miserable. It's a practice that's been extremely helpful for me -- and frankly, a super humbling ego-check.

Anyway, try checking yourself next time this happens to you. I'd love to hear how it goes! 

Oxox,

Jill