Hey ,

I've been thinking a lot about perception this week. And I can't help but believe that it's the most powerful tool we have at our disposal when it comes to experiencing happiness, peace and joy.

In short, our perception becomes our reality. How you choose to see the world is everything.

I love this quote from Wayne Dyer: “Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world.”

Seems simple, but choosing a loving perception, it turns out, is not all that easy. See, humans have a built-in negativity bias. This means that we tend to weigh negative events or situations much more strongly than we do positive ones. We are more sensitive to the negative.

Think about it. In your romantic relationships, you've probably held on to the handful of negative comments you've heard from your partner in the heat of an argument, over the thousands of ways they've told you and shown you love over the course of the relationship.

Or that time you posted something on Facebook and you got that one negative comment or “hater.” These things give us a visceral reaction, don’t they? And we so easily forget the hundreds of positive comments we've received. All we see is that one person doesn’t like us.

This makes sense though, at least evolutionarily. Psychology researchers think seeing the world through a more negative lens is an evolved response meant to protect us and keep us out of harm's way.

This is also the reason why we fear loss way more than we can "feel" the potential for gain. We are often scared to lose something, even when it’s not ideal.

We would rather keep a job we’re not happy in because “it’s secure,” over trying to start our own business doing something we love. We would rather hang on to that romantic relationship where we’re not 100% fulfilled because the alterative is unknown. We would rather not confront that friend over something that’s bothering us because we’d rather continue with the status quo of no conflict.

Taking new action is scary. And doing what we’ve always done—even if it’s not ideal—is comfortable.

Kelly McGonigal, author of The Willpower Instinct talks about “the default brain” – it’s how we process and see the world when we are not consciously directing our thoughts through being mindful. Instead, we tend to be ruled by our insecurities. We let the emotions and actions of others define us. We get a negative comment on something we post to social media and if we are not mindful and finding perspective in that moment, we take it personally and make it mean that we are not good.

Could you see how if you are not consciously choosing your perception throughout the day that it’s the easiest thing in the world to get caught up in negativity and drama? Of course it is. And some people live in a constant state of drama and don’t know that there’s even a choice there.

Gah! This is so tough.

I get you. It can be so hard to choose a positive reality when you feel like you are constantly getting knocked down or you feel like you can never get a leg up. I have certainly felt like that a lot. But that’s the whole point.

In those moments, your only course of action is to change how you see the situations. And that can be really, REALLY tough and it doesn't happen overnight. But for me, there are 2 things I do when I am feeling that way: a) I try to find the lesson in any situation, even if the only lesson is to "never do this again" :) and b) I trust MYSELF.

I know that I can never control outcomes or "what happens" but I can always trust myself to handle whatever occurs. I trust that I am strong, resilient, capable, powerful, have a choice in my attitude and effort, can figure things out, etc. My strength is really the only thing I have at my disposal. And this speaks to self-worth and finding ways to feel powerful and worthy and valuable in the world regardless of what’s going on in my life.

My tools?

These things help me see a situation differently.

They take time and mindfulness (and a little ego-checking!) to become automatic, but it starts with practice – catching yourself and then choosing a new way.

Rinse and repeat!

Xo,

Jill

P.S. ICYMI, JillFit turns 4 years old this month (and I am about to publush my 500th blog!) and to celebrate and say THANK YOU to all those who have read, interacted and shared, I'm giving away a free HIIT Cardio Guide with some of my fav workouts for the gym and the track -- grab it here :)