Sometimes in life you have to fake it ‘till you make it.

Sometimes you have to say out loud that you are something before you actually feel it. The key here is taking action first, thinking later.

This is kind of the opposite of the book ‘The Secret’ where you are supposed to think about being something, and then you magically just become it. Instead, the "as if principle" (check out the book by the same name) requires you act as if you are already the thing you want. Research suggests that when we DO, we are more likely to feel competent than just sitting around thinking about what we want.

Practicing taking action is the key to transformation. Because the more you act, the more you come to trust yourself, and the more you trust yourself, the greater your confidence becomes. It’s a feedforward cycle.

BUT.

Tricking yourself into liking your body regardless of its size and shape can be really hard!

Women email me all the time and say, “Jill, I knooooow I should just be happy with my body and be grateful, but I just can’t help the body-shaming!” In other words, we know we shouldn’t do it, but we can’t not do it.

So how do you fake this till you make it?

My Go-To Strategy to Quit Body-Shaming

First off, you don’t wake up one morning and just love your body.

Learning to say nicer things about your body is a practice. And how do you begin a practice? Well, you just start. There’s no perfect time. But the three steps for me are:

1. Awareness. You catch yourself in those moments when you are doing the old thing, saying the old things, acting in those old ways. You try to stay mindful in that moment.
2. Choose a different response. A response that serves you.
3. And then keep doing that shit over and over again until it becomes automatic.

And the gateway to this practice for me has been … compliments.

Compliments. Praise. Whatever. Both giving them generously, and receiving them gracefully.

There is power in praise. And I find it curious how we dance around compliments in our society, on both sides. Let me explain.

On giving praise generously to others

At times we can feel reluctant to give praise because it feels like giving away our power – like, if I acknowledge that this person is good at this thing, that somehow makes me not-so-good at it, too. Which is absurd because one person’s success or character has nothing to do with anyone else’s, but somehow praise feels finite.

Of course the most confident people are also the most humble. They give praise the most freely because they recognize that giving it doesn’t take away from their own power. They understand that there’s enough amazingness for everyone.

And so there’s power in offering compliments generously. Don’t be stingy with praise. When you hold back out of a scarcity mindset, it’s a message to your higher self that there's a ceiling to your potential. Instead, when you give freely to others, it lifts you up too, doesn’t it? I’m sure you’ve had this experience.

It’s cliché, but it’s also true: “It’s in the giving that we receive.” This mantra holds power, it elevates all of us to #abundancestatus. We start to feel like it’s possible to do more, be more, have more when we give freely.

On graciously receiving praise from others

This is the harder part, right?

My friend Jen Sinkler, founder of Thrive with Jen Sinkler, has a most popular blog called, "Unapologetically Strong" where she puts "us" as women on blast for being unable to easily accept praise and compliments with grace and appreciation.

She wrote:

"At your next opportunity, eavesdrop on any conversation occurring among a group of women, and specifically listen for the downplaying of any compliment given to one another. Once you know what to look for, you will hear it, over and over again.

Instead of just saying ‘Thank you,’ we will say, ‘Oh no, this old thing/you’re just being nice/it’s just luck/etc./etc./etc.-motherscratching-etera.’ It’s part of the social script we are given at an early age, and you know what? It’s total bullshit."

I have to agree. And in fact, I don't think deflecting compliments and shirking ownership is self-deprecating or humble. I think it's just straight-up awkward and even insulting to the person giving the praise.

Most of all, when we belittle our own value--even if doing it to appear humble or selfless--we are sending a message to our higher self that we don't matter and we aren't valuable or worthy.

And you know what? Words have weight. They mean something. They show up later in our self-assessment, whether conscious or not. We are subtly affirming (or not) our own value.

So next time someone gives you a compliment, practice accepting it gracefully.

People won't think you're egotistical. In fact, they'll be relieved that you didn't make them sit there trying awkwardly to convince you of your own worth for 5 minutes ;)

These are the reasons that I believe compliments are the gateway to learning to appreciate our bodies. They are the affirmations that we subtly give to our higher self that we are worthy and adequate and amazing all on our own, whether or not we ever lose those 10 lbs or get that six-pack.

Of course, body esteem is one of my fav topics, and one of my good friends and author Annie Stern, just published a new book called, ‘Love More, Binge Less and Stay Fit', which addresses not only the root causes of body image and food struggles, but digs deep to connect the mind with the body – because I know you’re like me, and still want to get results, too.

And ironically, once you get your mind on board, the doing of the things to get the results becomes a whole lot easier!

Grab Annie’s book when you get a second! You gals are always asking me about book recommendations, check this one out and let me know what you think :)

Wishing you lots of (body) love today.

Xo,
Jill