Over the last few weeks, I’ve been talking a lot about moderation and how navigating the middle with your eating helps take the edge off hunger and cravings enough that you eventually don’t feel the compulsion to overindulge.

Why do we need this solution?

The reason why moderation works is because it is the opposite of the all-or-nothing approach to eating, which I call the weekly Deprive-then-Binge cycle: “perfect eating” Monday thru Thursday, then eating everything in sight Friday thru Sunday. When we do the binging part, we tend to feel so disgusted and disappointed in ourselves by Sunday night, that we feel the ONLY solution is to tighten up again on Monday and vow to REALLY be perfect this next week.

But then the same thing happens again.

We deprive and restrict, which always leads to more and worse eating later. It just does. It’s the nature of feeling deprived – there will always be an equal and opposite reaction because willpower gets drained, mentally we’re exhausted and we hate how we’re doing things.

Moderation is the opposite of the weekly deprive-then-binge. It cuts to the middle of those two extremes. And presents a solution so that we can eat the exact same way whether it’s Monday or Saturday.

Because I don’t know about you but I don’t want to hate how I eat. I don’t want to endure the mental aerobics of shame, guilt and remorse after binging. I don’t want to hate myself.

And most importantly, I don’t want to be obsessed with food every second.

I want my eating to be the 3 E’s:

For me, after 4 years of practicing it, moderation achieves all of these things. But taking that leap into moderate territory can be scary because it sort of feels like giving up.

And I get that. I felt that way at first, too. It kind of feels like failure because of one thing: the shoulds that we hang on to.

Let me ask you a couple questions about these.

First, have these mental constructs ever helped you actually get the outcomes you desire? Have they been effective at what you think they will be? Have they been the answer to helping you get better? Can you maybe consider that continuing to hold onto these beliefs year after year keeps you spinning your wheels in terms of results?

I dunno. For me, they never worked, as evidenced by the fact that despite them, I never was able to stay on a plan longer than a week or two. I hardly ever went a day without chocolate and I always felt like everyone else had it figured out, while I was suffering. These beliefs not only didn’t work, but they kept me miserable.

It was Einstein who said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.”

And it was Tony Robbins who coined, “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”

These two quotes were my lifelines when I started trying a new way of eating, a more moderate way.

Moderation not only takes the edge off so that the desire to eat more and worse crap later is tampered, but something amazing happens when you stop fighting with your eating:

You have more mental energy available to actually do the things you know to do! You open up more time, space and perspective – all of which exponentiate your potential to be successful.

Think about it. When you spend all your mental energy berating yourself for not being perfect and for being weak and undisciplined and, “OMG whyyyyy do I need a treat every single day?? I suck at this!” can you see how when you are constantly fighting with yourself over your eating that this takes a lot of emotional energy? It takes a lot of effort to keep hating your body! And this effort and energy is not benign. It drains willpower, so it’s not surprising that you eat a bunch of crap at night. You have zero mental reserves to resist, of course you don't. So in a sense, it's not only your eating approach that needs a makeover, it's your mental game, too.

So, to recap: eating moderately, over time and with practice, does 2 things:

For me, it's taken a long time to figure all this out. It took literally YEARS of practice, shirking "the rules," listening to my body and trusting that a new way could work.

If you'd told me 5 years ago that I could ever be free from the all-or-nothing way of eating, I'd have laughed in your face. Dieting and white-knuckling my way through some random meal plan was all I knew.

But over time and with a lot of courage, patience, introspection and self-compassion, I was able to make the shift from yo-yo dieter to automated eater.

Don't ever let up on your practice. You don't have to get it right. In fact, you shouldn't. Because trying to be perfect is what got us into this mess in the first place. Just focus on your very next meal. Each meal is an opportunity to trust yourself and trust the process.

Yes, this is scary! But what's scarier to me is the potential of never finding a solution ;)

The weekend is coming up! I encourage you to let #moderation365 be your mantra.

Xo,

Jill