At one point, the gals
started teasing me, saying they were going to take incriminating photos of me drinking wine and then post them on the internet.
Lol.
Of course I busted up laughing, saying go ahead, it’s nothing people haven’t seen before. They didn’t know it, but I actually like that I show that I eat things that are not considered perfect. It’s part of my message and passion when it comes to helping women.
But this got me to thinking
about a time way back, when things weren’t like this.
I didn’t always feel totally free to both eat what I wanted in front of other people, and also then post those not-so-tight choices on the JillFit platform. Good lord, the mere idea of exposing myself in the way was terrifying!
There were weeks or two here and there when I ate so-called “perfect, but even those times were always interspersed with binges, overindulgences and plenty of
things that were “off plan.”
In fact, I remember actually HIDING FOOD from my roommate, and even Jade early on in our relationship. I was supposed to be “dieting” for a show and I was hiding a Three Musketeers bar in my bathroom cabinet waiting for everyone to leave the house so I could indulge. I remember another time, going to the grocery store, buying a bag of cookies and stuffing my face with them the entire way driving home, only to dump what was left of
the evidence in a dumpster before walking into the house with my perfectly clean purchases.
See, one thing that happens a lot with women – especially those in the fitness industry – is that we don’t want to let people see us struggling. We don’t want people to see us sweat. Or we're scared of being judged. It feels vulnerable. And back then, it was horrifying to be caught red-handed not practicing what I preach, because OMG I’M A FRAUD. I CAN’T EVEN STAY ON MY
OWN MEAL PLAN, HOW ON EARTH CAN I HELP ANYONE ELSE WHEN I CAN’T EVEN HELP MYSELF??
Early on in my professional career, I felt a lot of shame for not eating perfectly. I walked around feeling like I should be better, I should be able to do this, I should be able to actually do the meal plans I was giving to my clients, right? RIGHT??
But then I couldn’t.
And the disconnect between what I felt I should be
doing, and what I was actually doing behind closed doors left me feeling like an hypocritical impostor.
Many things have happened since then in terms of how I see this process, and how I perceive the idea of perfect eating. I'm so grateful for the journey because I now know:
1) Trying to be perfect is trying to fail.
Trying to be perfect doesn’t work,
actually. We know this. I did the weekly deprive-then-binge cycle for years before I finally was so freaking miserable that I just threw my hands up and said, "Eff it, I don’t care if I gain 20 lbs this week, I need to do something different, this is not working, and it’s only making me miserable." That was the beginning of #moderation365 and finally taking what felt like a risk on a new way -- a way that ended up working for both results and sanity.
2) Perfection is boring.
Yawwwwn. There’s nothing less interesting or less inspiring to me than the “I eat perfect” façade that we see all over the online space. It’s preachy and inaccessible. Maybe that message works for the younger crowd for transient motivation, but in my experience, as we get older, touting the idea that you can and should eat perfectly is simply not helpful. And from what I’ve seen and heard from
the JillFit readers, you guys feel the same way. Humanity and empathy and relatedness are so much more inspiring.
3) Everyone indulges, but not all cop to it.
And I don’t blame professionals for not fully copping to their overindulgences or “off plan” moments – geez, that’s exactly what I did for years. I get it. But it’s also a lie, and in terms of being in my integrity and my business being
in its integrity, I think we do people a disservice by pretending. I’ve been at industry events where everyone is overindulging and no one wants any evidence of it. Fine, NBD. But on a personal level, it’s so important to be open and honest with my audience. Everyone has a right to do exactly what they want for themselves and their business. But as your friend, I want you to know that even the pros cheat. We are all the same.
4) Hiding food takes away your power.
You don’t have to post everything you eat on Facebook. But when you are in denial about the things you’re eating in secret, mostly to yourself, this is a problem. Not because you are “bad” and suck at eating – good lord, I think if I tried hard enough, I could figure out a way to work a Three Musketeers into my daily eating! – but because it perpetuates our shame around food.
And there’s something so magical and inspirational about being open and honest and owning exactly what you eat. To yourself mostly, but also for others to see. Own it. If you love a food, don’t give it up, but instead simply figure out a way to include it and still reach your goals and stay sane. Besides, there’s nothing more mentally obsessive than not feeling able to be honest about how you are eating. I feel you on this because I did it too, for a long
time.
And likewise, if you love eating healthy, and family and friends make comments about it, OWN IT. You need to come with the conviction! Don’t wait on them to "get it.” They won’t ever get on your team about it until YOU start bringing the confidence around your eating. Not in an angry or self-righteous way, but in a way that leaves zero room for comments. Just own it and move on.
You don’t
need approval from anyone to eat the way you want to.
And chances are if you are worried about what other people think about your eating, it’s you who’s not fully on board with it yet. Put on your big-girl pant and get over those insecurities!
Finally, I want to add one more thing: I like to drink wine.
It’s not for everyone and I would never, EVER tell people to drink it. It’s not some secret dieting
tool and you certainly don’t get leaner on wine. I’m not advocating it. But it is part of my formula at this moment.
But the point is not the wine. In fact, it’s not a specific food at all. It’s the practice of picking and choosing your nutrition battles that’s important. It’s about the practice of #moderation365. It’s about creating space in your daily eating for nutritional relief and increasing the #SatisfactionFactor of your day. You need
that, whatever that food is for you.
A few months ago, a fellow fitness pro posted one of my blogs to her social media page and made a comment about how “certain bloggers think it’s cool to drink wine.”
The comment was so confusing to me. It’s totally fine and one person’s opinion, but it did make me think on the transparency of what I do. Which is hilarious considering it’s the exact opposite of what I used to do – which
was not cop to any indulgences! But the idea that you eat any food because “it’s cool” is simply not my value system. It’s silly. I’d post my daily Vegemite on Instagram if that happened to be the thing that helped me stay the course. Lol. #NoThanks #SorryAustralia
But I love being open and honest about how I eat. It feels in my integrity and effortless to share.
And I honestly believe it helps other women to see that I don’t eat
perfect, ever. In fact, I wish I had seen more women showing their humanity when I was deep in my crazy dieting days. I think it would have given me permission to not have to be so perfect (I wasn’t anyway, so the permission would simply have helped me mentally deal with those indulgences better and move on faster).
Openness and honesty about food is magical – for ourselves and others. But it’s definitely scary. So in those times when I get that kneejerk
reaction to revert back to my old, secretive ways, I remind myself that we are all the same – you, me, that competitor over there, that “expert” online, that personal trainer, that person who’s physique you envy – I remind myself that there’s nothing more inspiring and accessible than relatedness. And when I remember that, I remember that I have an obligation to be as transparent as possible.
And so it continues … #moderation365.
Remember,
Food Obsession Boot Camp opens for enrollment in a few weeks! Get it on your mental calendar for March 17
th – 4 weeks of insights and tools around how to mentally handle all your thoughts about food and eating. I am so excited for this program.
Now excuse me, but I have to get back to my Chardonnay and peanuts on this flight back to the states
;)
Xo,
Jill