Looking back now, I am really sad for all of this. Although I will always be grateful for the experiences and the craziness of my dieting days, man, I’m tearing up just writing that because beneath all the fear around exercise and eating, I can see that I
was actually just terrified of myself.
And doing more and more exercise was simply a control mechanism for me to “feel okay” and “be okay” and “be good enough” and “if I can just stay lean enough, I’ll be worthy.”
Well, I can’t be surprised that hours upon hours of exercise wasn’t ever effective in doing those things, at least not now, years later.
But I wanted exercise to be my
ticket to adequacy.
I was something I was good at, it was something I could do more of than anyone else, I won shows, I won races, I was athletic and I was motivated. Or so I thought. Turns out I was only motivated by the fear of not being good enough.
And while I believe whole-heartedly that exercise, specifically weight training can boost your self-confidence, I think it’s a bell-shaped curve. For me, exercise became a crutch –
something that if I just did enough of and never missed, it meant I was in control of my body. And if I could just control how my body looked, then I’d be in control of my life, too.
The opposite of control is trust.
And I didn’t trust myself at all. I didn’t know myself. I didn’t trust that if I stopped exercising as much, that I could handle the fallout. I didn’t trust that if I gained a few
pounds that my life wouldn’t collapse. I didn’t trust that if I gave up exercising as much, I’d have anything to offer the world. My ability to exercise all the time, regardless of effectiveness was my contribution and the way I derived a sense of purpose. Wow. WTF? And yet, it’s true. Sadly.
I want to share with you the steps I took to go from someone who did hours of cardio every day to now, where I have not stepped on traditional cardio machines in over a year,
and I now exercise 30 minutes a day 3-4 days a week, focusing on more metabolic resistance training, like those from
Lift Weights Faster 2.0.
So, with that said, I’ll be sending you an email tomorrow with those steps outlined, if you feel like you are caught up doing endless amounts of exercise despite being miserable and also not getting the results
you want. If you are there, I feel for you. I hate that for you, because it’s an incredibly scary place to be. You want to pull back, but you feel like you can’t. I completely get that. I will share with you what I did, tomorrow.
I’ll also be sharing my personal photos – from way back then, compared to now. I look the same despite doing a fraction of the exercise, and maybe even a little leaner now. It’s so weird to me, and even sad, that it took this long to figure it
all out.
So many women have commented that they “wish they could be where I am,” and while that’s nice to hear, I don’t ever want you to forget that it’s taken me YEARS to navigate a new way, to figure all this out.
It took some courage to try something new, and a lot of messing up and tears and desperation and misery. This journey is just that. You don’t wake up one day and just “switch gears.” You slowly pry yourself away from your old ways,
kicking and screaming, until something else feels just a tiny bit better. And that takes time, patience and a whole lot of self-affirmation and introspection.
Anyway, that’s tomorrow! ;)
For now, I want to remind you that Jen’s
Lift Weights Faster 2.0 workouts are all 30 minutes or less, using any equipment you want (there are
plenty of bodyweight only workouts, dumbbells-only, full gym and everything in between) – but what there is not is traditional cardio on a machine! And if you are brave enough to believe the actual truth about exercise –
that intensity trumps duration every single time when it comes to results, sanity and sustainability – then you have to get and use Jen’s workouts.
I’ve been training for the last year this way. And my body – and my mind! – are better off for
it.
AND! When you get it from my affiliate link (above), between now and Friday at midnight PST, you get automatic free enrollment into my 4-Week Food Obsession Boot Camp which begins next week!
I’d love to hear
from you if any of this has resonated with you. As much as I get scared to share these stories, I think it’s time we all come clean and begin helping ourselves find a new way. I still have a lot of shame that I am working through, but I always remind myself what Brene Brown says: “Shame cannot survive being spoken.”
If you feel like you need to get it out too, write back and tell me how you’re doing.
Until tomorrow
…
Love,
Jill