One thing that always used to come up for me when I was dieting for competitions was the injustice of what everyone else “gets” to do, versus what I was suffering through.

I’d go to the grocery store and look longingly at other people’s carts full of cereal and chips and ice cream and “normal food” and I’d get so resentful: “Gee, must be nice for them! They don’t have to eat this disgusting chicken and broccoli every meal!”

I’d go to my in-laws’ house on Friday nights with the family, where my FIL would cook pasta and sauce and put out bread and cheese and dessert. He’d put out his homemade wine, and then I’d be the one whining about how bad everything was and how much dieting sucked and how “normal people” could just eat whatever they wanted and not have to try so hard. I wanted to not care as much as I perceived other people didn't care about their body, their food, getting fat, whatever. Everyone else seemed to have it so much easier.

And then I’d go out to dinner with friends at a restaurant and suffer through drinking water with lemon while they enjoyed delicious adult beverages, and split super yummy apps. I’d ask for my protein with no sauce and veggies with no butter and quietly and miserably eat my dry, sad meal.

WELL.

If you know anything about me and about JillFit as a company now, you should immediately notice something very glaring: I WAS BEING A HUGE VICTIM! Of my own choices!

In fact, I remember one time, after a continuous stream of complaints to Jade about how much dieting sucked, he looked at me and just said, “Jill, you know you don’t have to do the show if you don’t want to, right? You can always back out.”

WHAT? Pfffft! OF COURSE I was going to do the show! Is he insane??

So, just a quick recap: I was always complaining about something that was actually my choice, and then when the option to do something about the things I was complaining about was presented, I turned it down.

Why do we do this??

Oftentimes we complain that “it’s not fair” when in actuality, that statement serves neither you, nor the situation, nor the outcome. But it's easy to say, it's an easy trap to fall in to.

Obviously all of this happened years ago, and before I went through a lot of my own personal growth and self-realization work, but looking back, I realize that I was playing the “it’s not fair” card a whole lot.

But here’s the thing: many things actually are not fair.

It’s just not. But the idea that life should be fair is a mental trap that keeps us struggling. When we think that weight loss or body change or metabolisms or LIFE should be fair, we always end up disappointed. Because they just aren't.

But the key is this: just because those things are not fair, and some people really do have it easier than you, you might actually be more weight loss resistant than your friend, your husband very well may have a faster metabolism than you, work and career stuff might actually come easier to your sister, whatever the perceived injustice: YOU ALWAYS HAVE A SAY IN YOUR ATTITUDE AND ACTIONS.

When I look longingly at someone else’s food choices and complain that “I can’t have that” – I take myself out of my power. Because I actually can have that. I can have anything, anytime.

When I remember that I am an adult woman with choices and a say in how my life unfolds, I’m immediately back in my power. And when feel empowered, I take action. And when I take action, things happen. I’m able to make changes so that I don’t feel like such a victim. 

And here’s the most amazing thing. When we take complete ownership over our attitude (perspective) and our actions, we stop looking around to find evidence of unfairness. We simply stop seeing other people’s food carts. We stop worrying about if our friend is losing weight faster than us. We stop comparing our progress to our husband’s who barely does anything and can lose weight.

When we take responsibility for the fact that a) things will always ALWAYS be unfair and b) that’s absolutely fine, because you know what? We have choices! – life gets a lot kinder.

We stop comparing our journey to that of others. We stop comparing results. We stop giving a shit about other people’s ease, compared to yours. We just don’t see that stuff anymore because we're focused on our own individual journey. We're focused inward.

This feels better.

Because there’s no shortage of places to find injustices and unfairness in the world and in your fat loss journey. Look and you will find. But that’s a distraction that keeps you engaged in your mental aerobics and self-pity instead of getting out of your head and into actually doing the things that can help you.

The mental struggles of weight loss, body esteem and physique change are infinite, and when you feed them, they stick around. But when you focus on finding the places and spaces where you are in fact in control, look where you can move and take action, that feeding stops.

It’s a choice. It’s your choice. Just like it was my choice to continue my useless complaining or not. To do my competition or not.

Complaining is boring. It’s depressing. It’s unattractive. It’s the 1.0 response. 

In fact, this is such an important core value of mine now that I have a running mantra in my head, a mental reminder I pull out frequently:

It’s that simple ;)

With love (and a lil’ tough love),

Jill

A final reminder that enrollment for my 4-Week Food Obsession Boot Camp CLOSES TONIGHT at midnight! Details and registration here. Your course begins immediately.