The concept of is #RadicalResponsibility—taking ownership of everything that’s going on with you and around you, so that instead of feeling helpless, you can feel empowered to act--is completely transformative. And this course will give you tons of insights, tools and plenty of stories from my own life! I can't wait to share this education with you. 

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Something that continues to come up with women that I talk to is the concept of support. Are we supported by loved ones, partners, friends, family members, people in our community ... or not?

It can be a real downer when we feel pushback from loved ones, or when we are not being taken seriously by the very people who’s support we want the most.

And it’s frustrating because we don’t understand it: if they care about us, why aren’t they on board? If they say they love us, why are they not supportive? It feels counterintuitive and can be hurtful.

I don’t think anyone who has ever tried to make a big change in their lives—whether with their health/fitness, their career, relationships, whatever—hasn’t felt at times unsupported.

And though it’s frustrating and understandably confusing, this is not something for other people to change for. This is something for you to … wait for it … take radical responsibility for. That doesn’t mean you have to agree with how someone is acting toward you, it’s not condoning behavior, but it is working on your inner game to understand what is going on, and how YOU can adjust in order to be happy and move forward.

So any time you find yourself asking, “WHY DOES HE/SHE DO THAT?? I don’t get it!” Remember: they are them. And you are you. And you will each do things the way you do them. So you never have to be confused about it again: people will always do what they do. That’s a fact. And you don’t have to agree with it.

So start by assuming that people will never change.

Why? Because if our only plan of attack is to try to convince people to be on our team, it’s futile. They may or may not ever change. And if they do, it’s still a trap to hold them to some standard so that we can be happy and comfortable.

Our happiness and ability to create your life cannot wait on anyone else. It cannot be dependent on them acting a certain way. Because we can never control what other people do and say. And pinning our happiness/empowerment on that, not only is a waste of your time, but it’s unfair to them!

Imagine if someone came to you and said, “Jill, I can only make my dreams come true if you change how you’re being.”

Chances are I would hear them out, but if I didn’t want to change or actually liked how I was, I wouldn't appreciate being asked to be different.

The key is this: remembering there is no “right” or “wrong.” This is the toughest part. This is where the “should” statements come in and trap us:

While you and I look at these statements and think, “Yeah, that’s how it should be!” What happens when those realities don’t happen? Because sometimes, for various reasons, they don’t. How do we respond? By continuing to beat and pound and kick and scream, wishing and hoping for people to be different? Or do we do something different? Do we do the internal work? Do we move forward regardless?

I vote for the latter!

But it can be confusing. So let’s look at why loved ones might not support you or be happy for you.

You moving in a new or bigger direction can make others feel left behind. That’s not your fault, in fact, you can and should do anything you want. But that means that we also must extend the same courtesy to them, even when we don’t “get” or agree with their responses.

Humans are interesting, right? We like to maintain an even playing field. We feel “safe” if everyone is going on as they have always gone on. It makes everyone involved feel affirmed and comforted.

So when you want to move up or act in a bigger direction, it can sometimes shine a light on another’slack of ambition. Or perceived lack of power.

There’s a mistake in making this about you. It’s a mistake to make this about on some level you are doing something wrong. You aren’t. It’s just that your actions or ambitious thinking brings out others’ insecurities, which you absolutely control or affect.

Other people’s insecurities are not your business. Just like your insecurities are no one else’s to remedy.

Speaking of your own insecurities, when you think, “No one supports me and they should,” you are staring your insecurities in the face. That frustration, confusion, self-doubt, self-righteousness, whatever, is all about you. It’s just that another’s lack of support has brought out those insecurities.

So, can you see the spiritual dance going on here? In this way, you are actually each other’s teachers because you can use one another to strengthen your own sense of confidence and security (if you choose).

But ultimately, your job is to support yourself.

And this can be hard! Welcome to the transformation process! ;)

It’s one of ‘The Four Agreements’ (book by Don Miguel Ruiz). You support me? Great. Don’t support me? That’s fine too. The point is that whatever I am doing is on me, it’s 100% my decision. It’s about me wanting something different or more, for me. It’s my dream and my vision and my plan and my idea and ultimately my responsibility if it works or not.

To impart the responsibility on someone else is shirking my power. It’s undermining the process. It’s a Band-Aid. A shortcut that ultimately keeps us struggling.

So, is there anything you can do to get people on your team?

Besides manipulation, the best tool I have ever seen in action is conviction. Showing up with passion and excitement and letting others feel that power from you. Be an example of someone who can go it alone if need be. Be someone who can harness enthusiasm relentlessly. Let others see what that looks like.

At first, they don’t get it. They might make comments about it, or take cheap shots. But over time and with you being a consistent force of positivity and possibility … people come along. It takes consistency from you, being in your power, staying confident, and ultimately showing results for your efforts, and people become fascinated. Your energy becomes magnetic.

But that only happens when you finally stop waiting and start believing in YOU.

Bottom line? If you get that kneejerk reaction to try to get everyone on your team and then feel sad and unsupported when they don’t, it’s your higher power urging you to take stock of your own insecurities and harness that little bit of confidence and self-efficacy needed to make the jump, even if it’s alone. It your higher self’s way of asking if you are really REALLY ready to commit to your passion and dream.

How do you answer?

, if you feel like you could use lessons like this more often, then I want you to enroll in the MM2 course. The education is all things introspection-related--and the beautiful thing? It's in our power to change our reality. We never have to wait on anyone or anything else. We literally get to choose what happens next.

And let me know if you have any questions :)

Xo,

Jill